


Antithesis

by LemonSugarcube



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Flirting, Character Death, Dark Magic, Denial of Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Hate Sex, Love/Hate, M/M, Mutual Pining, Necromancy, Obsessive Behavior, Oral Sex, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:39:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonSugarcube/pseuds/LemonSugarcube
Summary: Vanus Galerion, founder of the Mage's Guild and legendary hero. Mannimarco, first undead lich and King of Worms. An exploration of the unique relationship between these two as time passes, from their beginnings on the Isle of Artaeum to that final, decisive battle and the destiny of the undead beyond.





	1. Time and Trials

 

 

_Fires. Ashes of once-beloved knowledge floating weightlessly into the night sky. Weeks of running, smuggling, and hiding. The discoveries. The hanging. The end of his family, the end of his life as he knew it…_

_Trechtus's lungs burned. He could barely breathe as his legs carried him away from his home, fueled on further only by the grisly thought of his father hanging from a tree in the center of the village for all to see; a warning to inhibit taking action against the decrees written by noble hands. The very thought of it almost made him sick to his stomach, but he couldn't afford to stop so close to the border of their little hamlet town. Once Lord Gyrnasse's guards knew he had escaped, he'd be dead, too. They didn't care that he'd only lived eight years, not when he was still a liability and a testament to their atrocities._

_Fallen leaves crunched beneath his small feet as he fled through the forest, looking back every so often to make sure he wasn't being followed by anyone. When he had made it far enough away so that he could no longer see the jagged outline of the village through the tall trees, he leaned against the trunk of one, sinking to the ground in a trembling heap. Though the skies above him had been clear when he'd left that morning, a rumble of thunder sounded, heralding rain and lighting from the heavens. He pulled his knees in close to his thin body, letting his head rest on them. In the midst of the droplets falling from the clouds, the child cried unashamedly, tears flowing from his wide, pale blue eyes. Never before had he felt so alone, so utterly helpless._  
  


* * *

 

Heliand felt like something momentous was going to happen to him. He had even told the rest of his group so, much to their idle amusement and vague distaste. The golden-haired Altmer couldn't explain  _why_  he felt like that, he just did. Most of the others wrote it off as a side-effect of his training in mysticism, some residual magic hanging on from his youthful days as a mage. Heliand brushed them off with a wave of his hand. He knew when he was right.

The group of troubadours were on the road, hoping to reach the next city by nightfall. Dawn was only just breaking over the horizon, so all had positive expectations; they were ahead of schedule. Heliand could hear them laughing behind him as he lead them on, walking his horse, reins in hand. It warmed his heart to hear their happiness. Every single one of them had lived a rough life, and it was a good sign that all of them could bring themselves to be cheerful again. With a smile on his handsome features, he allowed himself to get lost in the thoughts of their performance in the next city. He longed to sing again, of far away places and grand adventures, meant to tug upon the strings of a heart caught in the throes of wanderlust.

Heliand was drawn out of his musings when his horse stopped short, ears forward and eyes wide.

"Mallari," he said to the stallion, stroking his nose, "What's the matter?"

The tall horse didn't avert his gaze from where it was pinned. He was staring off to the side of the road, at an unknown object off the shoulder of the path. It was rather large, dark in colour with no discernible features. Yet, as indeterminate as its appearance seemed to be, it had made Mallari curious. The gilded mer had to investigate, at the very least.

Noticing that their leader had halted suddenly, the entire group followed suit. Heliand handed Mallari's reins off to another member and walked forward toward the object cautiously, leather boots making little noise on the travel-worn stone of the road. When he neared it, he gasped in surprise.

"Nereidan, Breylinor! Come over here!" he yelled, voice tinged with an uncharacteristic urgency. At his behest and without a moment's hesitation, two other mer came running to him, questioning looks on their faces.

"What in Oblivion's name is it, Heliand?" Nereidan asked, breathless from the momentary display of physical exertion, "You never sound this nervous." Breylinor nodded in agreement but kept silent, running a hand through his thick, auburn hair.

Heliand didn't say any more, instead choosing to stand back with a trembling finger pointed at the object on the ground. Upon closer inspection, the object wasn't an object at all, but a child. His filthy clothes were torn to shreds, stained in places with splotches of dried blood. His long, chocolate-brown hair was matted to his head, obviously unwashed. The trio of Altmer realized with stomach-twisting horror that he was still bleeding, a wide river of red running out from both his pale, parted lips and his pointed nose. Heliand knelt down next to the child, placing two long fingers on his neck. With a marked frown on his face, he stood.

"He's still alive," he said, "but only just. He needs help now if he's going to survive."

The blonde's two companions looked shocked.

"We can't take in anyone else," Breylinor noted, "We can barely feed ourselves on the money we earn! You think we can afford another mouth to feed?"

Heliand ignored his friend and bent down to the child, easily scooping him up in a manner that wouldn't jostle him any further, careful and gentle.

"I couldn't care, Breylinor. I'm not going to leave him here to die. He can have my rations if it comes down to it."

Breylinor rolled his eyes, but followed his leader back to the awaiting group. Heliand's heart sunk as he looked at the small, broken body in his arms; it was clear that the boy had been through Oblivion and back. He was curious as to where the child was from and what had put him in such a condition, but he refrained from attempting to wake him in order to ask any questions of the sort. He walked slowly through his group, drawing eyes as he made his way to the caravan in the back.

He managed to get himself and the dying child inside the wooden carriage, laying him down gingerly upon one of the cushioned benches that lined the sides.

"Lead them on," he instructed Nereidan and Breylinor as they appeared in the doorway, "I've got to tend to his wounds."

Breylinor opened his mouth to make another comment, but held his tongue when he received an angry glare from Heliand's amber eyes.

"Go."

 

* * *

 

Trechtus slowly opened his eyes, realizing with some degree of distant joy that the light he was rushing towards was no longer present. The image that formed before him instead left him curious; a wooden ceiling, the sensation of moving…and the calm, concentrated face of an adult Altmer leaning over his arm with glowing light emanating from his long fingertips. The youthful mer sat up with urgency, eyes swollen with sudden fear. Where was he? Who was this man? Why wasn't he in pain anymore?

"Relax, relax," said his attendant, brushing locks of aureate hair behind his pointed ears as he raised his hands in a placating gesture, "I'm not going to hurt you."

Breathing rapidly, chest heaving, Trechtus looked warily at the man. He backed up as far as he could, spine hitting the wooden wall of the carriage.

"Where am I?" he asked timidly, voice trembling with as much intensity as his hands.

"In the interior of a carriage, on the way to our next performance," the other mer said, smiling, "We found you on the side of the road, nearly dead. I've been healing your wounds for the past day and a half. You had many, so it's taken quite some time." He outstretched a refined hand to Trechtus, steady and reassuring.

"My name is Heliand," he spoke warmly, "And yours?"

Trechtus' gaze flicked down at the offered hand, then back to his face, unsure. Deciding that, one: he was still alive, two: this mer had actually  _healed_  his wounds, and three: he seemed nice enough, Trechtus accepted the handshake, albeit with an expected amount of visceral hesitation. Trust would not come easily to him. 

"Trechtus…" he said quietly, avoiding looking Heliand in the eyes.

"Well, Trechtus," Heliand said, standing, "Welcome. Take some time to rest up, you'll need it."

With that, the tall, golden Altmer stood and opened the carriage door, stepping out of the moving vehicle with practiced ease. Trechtus stared after him curiously.

_By the Auri-El's grace,_  he thought, rubbing subconsciously at his now-healed arm,  _What is this?_  
  


* * *

 

"Trechtus!" 

The yell sounded from the group of performers in the center of Potansa. Heliand, bright as ever and wearing a kindhearted smile, waved, summoning the younger mer to him.

"Trechtus," he said, as the adolescent ran up to him, "Did you manage to get the lodgings sorted out?"

"Of course," Trechtus replied, re-tying the hair that had come loose when he ran, "The innkeeper arranged it all flawlessly, if I might say so."

"Good. Go and get some fruit for tonight's dessert, if you would. Don't forget to get some for yourself!" Heliand handed him a few coins and watched with delight as the lanky boy ran off once more into the busy streets, leaving him to stare at his retreating back with a measure of fondness he'd grown to appreciate since the early days of Trechtus' tenancy with his unique herd. But more than that, he had a suspicion burgeoning in his gut that had yet to be assuaged, though it was neither malignant nor dangerous. He knew; Trechtus had a gift that shouldn't be wasted. But what to do with it? 

"There's something different about him," he said to Nereidan who was chewing on sugar cane beside him, seeming quite uninterested in the whole affair, despite his words.

"You think?" Nereidan replied, spitting out the rind, "He is awfully smart for eleven years of age. He went through every book we gave him in two days or less and he certainly seems to have a grasp on the arcane. I caught him practicing in the woods the other day. He's talented, that's for sure."

Nereidan looked at Heliand curiously, noticing the thoughtful look on his friend's face. 

"What're you thinking, Hel?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

Heliand tilted his head as he searched for the proper way to answer.

"I'm thinking he deserves better than this."

"Like?"

Heliand bit his lip and looked at Nereidan, unsure.

"You remember how I trained with the Psijics when I was young?" he asked, averting his eyes to the cobblestone ground.

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"I never truly lost contact with them. I figured there'd be a day when I'd need them again, and I think that now might be that time. Trechtus is intelligent, a fast-learner…They…They could use someone like him. They could definitely give him a better life than anything  _we_  could ever offer."

Nereidan looked at Heliand incredulously, dropping the last of his sugar cane onto the street.

"You're going to give him to them? Are you sure that's the best idea? I mean, not many people trust them anymore. Do you think you should?"

Heliand nodded.

"My tutor, Iachesis, would be his mentor as well. I trust him with my life."

Nereidan shook his head and sighed.

"Well, it's your decision. If you think it's what's best for the boy, then do it. Just keep your wits about you."

Heliand did his best to smile, heart twitching uncomfortably in his chest as Trechtus came trotting back towards him, half-eaten apple in his left hand.

"Trechtus," he said, trying his best to restrain his sadness behind a veil of careful affection, "We've something we need to discuss..."  
  


 

* * *

 

Ritemaster Iachesis knew the boy was special as soon as Heliand had brought him through the grand doors of their tower on Artaeum. He looked at everything with calculating wonder, both curious and analytical. He had seemed hesitant at first, warily eyeing Iachesis's offered hand cautiously when they met. After Heliand had assured him that all was well, he accepted the greeting and began to talk quietly about what he knew and what he wished to learn. After their chat, the old teacher had smiled.

"From this moment on, you will leave the name 'Trechtus' behind you. You are above that, now."

Trechtus had looked up at him guardedly, unreadable expression on his face.

"You will be called Vanus Galerion, a name that befits someone as bright as you."

Vanus hadn't reacted to his new moniker at first, but bowed his head after a few tense moments.

"Thank you," he said solemnly, "Thank you for allowing me to study here."

It had been a week since then, and the young, dark haired mer had rarely strayed from his room, locked away in self-imposed seclusion, or perhaps out of fear. It was high noon on the Morndas of his second week in the study when Iachesis decided to pry him from his shell and introduce him to the rest of the Order, consequences be damned. This boy was a prodigy, and regardless of the hesitation he might've had towards displaying his talent to others, there was no way he could be permitted to hide forever. 

"Vanus," he said, tapping lightly on the intricate door leading to the adolescent's room. He heard some shuffling before the door opened to reveal Vanus, youthful features adorned with a wary, questioning expression.

"Master Iachesis," he acknowledged with a polite nod of his head, "Is there something you need?"

Iachesis glanced around the mer's shorter form and into Vanus's room, the likes of which appeared to be covered floor-to-ceiling in papers and books. He raised his greying eyebrows in surprise, but made no mention of it to his student. Yet.

"Actually, there is. Get yourself tidied up and presentable. I'm taking you to meet the rest of the Order."

Vanus Galerion's sky-blue eyes widened. He nodded hastily, bowing lightly.

"Yes, sir," he replied, "I'll be downstairs in no time."

Iachesis gave him a smile before closing the door, laughing to himself when he heard the sound of books and papers crashing to the ground, accompanied by a muttered curse. Assuredly, this would be quite interesting.z

  
Still, he didn't appear until an hour or so later. A primped and polished Vanus swallowed thickly as he was lead into a colossal, circular room. The blue, oceanic windows were nearly as tall as the wall, five in total framing a massive, dark stone table in the center. At least fifteen Psijic mages sat at it, all staring directly at  _him_. He felt awkward enough already, unruly hair tied back in a neat braid and dressed in impeccably clean white and gold robes that were given to all students. He couldn't maintain eye contact with any of the mages that watched him until his large orbs settled on a young individual that stood leaning on the front of the table, shockingly bright green-yellow eyes boring into Vanus's. He looked to be only a few years his senior, attractively sharp features framed by pale blonde hair that hung to his rib cage. His gaze was piercing, and Vanus felt his stomach twitch under it. He couldn't look away from him, even as Iachesis stopped pushing him forward and began speaking.

"Thank you for coming," the aging teacher said loudly, addressing the whole room, "In accordance with our traditions, I would like to give you the opportunity to welcome our newest apprentice, Vanus Galerion!"

All the observers clapped, including the green-eyed teenager who still held his gaze. Vanus broke it momentarily to smile awkwardly at everyone, unsure of what to say. Iachesis nudged him subtly, urging him to speak.

"Umm," he began, choking on his words, "Thank you for accepting me. I'm looking forward to learning all I can from you all. I appreciate the opportunity."

Happy that he had managed to cough something out, Vanus bowed. The mages clapped again as he returned to full height. Iachesis patted him reassuringly on the back and led him forward, observing as the rest of the room stood and migrated over to them.

"Ah, time to meet everyone. Good job, Vanus. You'll make a fine student."

Iachesis introduced him to the rest of the Psijics, telling him their names. Vanus didn't really pay attention until they were approached by a thin figure wearing the same robes as he.

"Well, he must be smart. If he wasn't, I'm sure you'd have left him in whatever ditch you found him in."

Iachesis and Vanus turned to face the voice, though Vanus' hackles rose on instinct, putting him instantly on edge.

"Hush," Iachesis all but snapped, chiding the paler mer, "Vanus, this is Mannimarco, our top student."

Vanus froze as his eyes once again met Mannimarco's. He was smirking lightly, appraising the younger apprentice with something that made Vanus feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"A pleasure, I'm sure" he noted coolly, taking Vanus's hand in his own, offering a handshake that was somehow both delicate and privately intimidating. Vanus accepted, albeit with visible restraint, praying to every god who might be looking upon them that Mannimarco did NOT notice the way some colour rose unbidden to his cheeks.   
  
The contact, when it was made, had Iachesis sensing something between them, but he didn't dare remark on it.

"Mannimarco arrived here about five years ago, when he was a year younger than you. You'll be training together from now on."

Mannimarco's smirk turned sour as he shot Iachesis a filthy glare. Iachesis returned it, eventually squashing his other student's attempt at objection.

"Well, we shall see how well this works, shan't we?" With that, the older boy turned on his heel and sauntered out of the room, long hair swishing as he walked. Vanus stared after him, filled with a strange sense of foreboding and fascination.

"Don't mind him, Vanus," Iachesis reassured him, shaking his head, "He can be moody on the best of days. He's brilliant, but his attitude gets him in trouble more often than not."

Vanus only nodded in acknowledgement.

' _Mannimarco',_ he thought, watching the teenager's retreating back, ' _You're different. More than anyone here can tell…'_

 


	2. Dreams and Destinies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mannimarco screws up a bit and Vanus gets nervous feelies.

Many long years had passed since Trechtus, the forsaken serf's son had become _Vanus Galerion_ , preternaturally talented student of the Psijic Order. He had been eleven then, and now, he could barely see that young, fresh-faced child in the mirror anymore.

It had been twenty years.

Twenty years of changing and evolving into what he was now. He had come into his own, features no longer boyish but carelessly attractive, golden-skinned face framed by rich brown hair that always seemed to escape its bindings, no matter how desperately he tried to tame it in the name of propriety. His cerulean eyes were still wide and bright, but they held an air of understanding and knowledge that he was quite sure didn't exist when he came to Artaeum for the first time. Early on a breezy summer morning, spent slowly waking and lazily grooming, he had been struck by the changes as he passed by the looking glass, so rarely had he bothered to take time out of his day to actually  _look_ at himself with any degree of scrutiny. He was so engrossed in his inspection that he didn't notice when a figure came to stand in his doorway, leaning casually on the frame, observing him as he leaned a bit too close to the mirror, counting out the freckles that spread across the bridge of his nose.

"Feeling a bit narcissistic this morning, Vanus?"

Vanus turned around, brilliant red flush coating his refined cheeks.

"No, of course not! I just happened to notice how old I look, that's all."

Mannimarco raised a neatly-groomed eyebrow, walking into the room as if he owned it. Unceremoniously, he sat down on Vanus's bed, pushing off a random pile of papers to make room.

"You're a strange one, you know. Thirty-one years of age is _far_ from being old, especially by our standards."

Scoffing, Vanus got up and skittered somewhat aimlessly about his room, throwing on a pair of well-worn (and noticeably wrinkled) apprentice robes and running a brush through his unruly locks.

"That's not what I meant. I meant that—ow! Sorry, caught a snarl. I meant that I can't even see the desperate child that came here all those years ago. I think he may've died."

Mannimarco laughed heartily, flopping back on the mattress with a flourish. He kicked more papers onto the floor, sitting up on his elbow. A curious gaze was tossed casually in Vanus' direction.

"I think he may have, too. After all, that little boy used to glare at me like I was the spawn of Mehrunes Dagon himself!"

Vanus stopped his idle routine to peg an unused journal at his friend, hitting him in the chest with an audible thud and earning him a rather scandalized look from his counterpart.

"I still think you're the spawn of Dagon. I just know how to handle your mischief now!"

Huffing, Mannimarco sat back up, lifting the innocent-book-turned-projectile off of him. Noticing that Vanus had dressed in the dingy, worn-to-Oblivion robes he wore to classes, he started chuckling.

"Today is  _Loredas_ , Vanus Galerion. Unless something has changed, I'm pretty sure we don't participate in any form of structured learning today."

Vanus, who had a stale biscuit he unearthed under the mess on his desktop stuffed into his mouth, halted.

"Ish it?!" he asked, trying to speak around the food.  _Uncouth._

"Yes," Mannimarco barked out, still laughing, "You don't have to wear those. As a matter of fact, you  _shouldn't._  They're just going to get dirtier if you do, which is likely quite the achievement, given how utterly disastrous they already are."

"Damph it!" the younger mer exclaimed, quickly undoing the robes. He scrounged around his room for a few minutes searching for his weekend clothes beneath the piles of papers. He finally found them underneath a large wad of alchemy notes and threw them on, simple brown cloth pants and a sky-blue shirt that Mannimarco thought brought out the colour of his eyes. At least they were moderately clean by comparison.

"I swear, Vanus, I don't know how you live in this mess. I'd most certainly die, smothered in the night by a massive, miraculously sentient stack of paper."

Vanus chucked another book at Mannimarco, who was able to dodge.

"That's enough from you! I'm ready, now. Can we go, or are you just going to sit there and whine at me all day?"

Mannimarco stood, graciously gesturing to the door with an almost sarcastic wave of one of his spidery hands.

"Let's go, then."

Vanus smiled widely at him, heart fluttering pleasantly as he took in the amused expression on his companion's face.

Their initial plan for the day was to practice Destruction spells in the large training yard and then make their own lunch, but plans were changed when Mannimarco strongly suggested they make a run for alchemical supplies in the tropical woods that surrounded the Tower. He had said that they were running low on a few things, but the darker haired mer knew that their stores had been restocked two nights ago. Vanus was skeptical about the sudden shift in their set schedule, but was too curious to insist they follow their first idea. Mannimarco seemed excited, and he wasn't about to ruin his closest friend's typically fragile good mood.

When they neared the border of the somewhat sparse forest, Vanus stopped. Something about this put his teeth on edge, though he couldn't adequately explain what it was beyond the most basic level. It was instinct, primal and unsettled, surging around deep in his gut. It wasn't like him to keep quiet about his misgivings in any scenario, so he didn't. He spoke up, and did so promptly.

"What're we really doing out here, Mannimarco?" he said crossly, hands on his hips, "We have plenty of supplies back in the storeroom. I know you've got something else on your devious mind. What is it?"

The smile on Mannimarco's striking features grew wider. He walked back to Vanus, laying hands on the younger student's shoulders in a manner meant to be placating, but only really managed to be _more_ alarming.

"Well," he said, doing his best to appear charming and partially succeeding, "I thought we might test what we've learned in the field. After all, a practice dummy cannot attack us, can it? We've done nothing but study lately. I'd like to put my knowledge to the test. Wouldn't you?"

Vanus's stomach knotted, the feeling of imminent peril filling his senses.

"If you're talking about going into the cliffside caverns, then the answer is no. I'm not going to let you drag us both into danger."

Mannimarco's face fell a little. He rubbed Vanus's shoulders comfortingly, trying to project his reasoning into his reluctant companion through physical contact alone.

"Listen, Vanus. I know you think it is best that we train in a 'safe' environment, but a real battle will  _not_  be safe and controlled. Our attackers won't be stationary and will most definitely return fire. How can we expect to survive if the only enemies we've fought are practice dummies?"

Vanus looked everywhere but Mannimarco's face as he considered the logic presented to him. He couldn't deny that he'd longed to test what he'd learned in a real battle, but he felt that the older mer was going about it all wrong.  _As usual…_

"Vanus," Mannimarco said, leaning down to rest his forehead lightly on the brunette's, "I'm not going to let either of us get killed. We can both hold our own, can we not?"

Vanus brought his gaze up to Mannimarco's, shivering involuntarily when his eyes met the bright green of his fellow student. He didn't say anything for a few moments, then bowed his head in resignation as a long-suffering sigh escaped his lips.

"Fine, but if Iachesis slaughters us for this, it was entirely your fault!" he answered, punctuating his point with a prod to the taller man's sternum. Mannimarco grinned in obvious triumph, giving Vanus's shoulders a light squeeze before turning around and heading into the forest. Vanus followed behind cautiously, watching every shadow of every tree and plant warily.

"Mannimarco?"

"Yes?"

"I really hope you know what you're doing…"

 

* * *

 

"For a place that's supposed to be, and I quote, 'brimming with certain death', it's rather beautiful," Vanus remarked as they neared the entrance to the largest cave in the chain of limestone caverns that dotted the various cliffs and vistas of Artaeum. A waterfall spilled over the top of the cave's mouth into a crystal clear pool at its base. Vibrant green grass and a smattering of seaside blue flowers surrounded the edge of the pool, light filtering down onto it from between the canopy of pale rock above them. His sensitive ears picked up on the light-hearted singing of birds and the rush of the ocean in the distance, soothing him even as chilled wind from the depths curled around his feet. He waited for Mannimarco to comment as well, but received no reply. The platinum blonde's eyes were narrowed, his expression stony. He seemed far away, lost in thought, as if he was trying to solve some problem or another that Vanus just didn't know about.

"Mannimarco," Vanus said, pulling on his friend's dark sleeve to get his attention, "Mannimarco, are you listening to me?"

The older mer appeared to snap out of his reverie, shaking his head quickly as if to clear his thoughts.

"Sorry, Vanus. We should get going."

With that, he set off into the cave's opening. Vanus felt an overwhelming urge to leave flood his entire body, setting off warning bells in his head. He just  _knew_  something bad was going to happen down there, in the dark. He knew it, but his feet propelled him on. He wasn't going to leave Mannimarco to face whatever that something was alone.  _Damned if you do, Vanus, damned if you don't…_

Water dripped incessantly around them, echoing loudly off the hole-filled limestone walls of the cave. Mannimarco had summoned a magelight, its blue glow illuminating enough of the area for them to walk without inevitably running into something. His face looked ghostly in the light, the serious expression having since returned. Vanus's skin was crawling from unspoken nervousness. He didn't like the situation they'd placed themselves in.  _'We should leave,_ ' he thought,  _'We should leave. Right now…'_

Mannimarco, however, seemed undeterred. He traipsed on with a sharp focus, as if on a mission.

"I don't like this place, Mannimarco. Something is off…"

Mannimarco didn't respond.

"I swear, you never listen to me! If you had just—" Vanus was cut off as Mannimarco threw his hand against his companion's chest, halting him. He held a finger to his lips, telling Vanus to be quiet. At first the younger mer felt slighted, but hushed as he saw that Mannimarco's other hand was alight with crackling electricity.

A low, gurgling moan sounded from the pitch dark in the back of the cave. Vanus felt his blood go cold as many horrific cries bubbled up, ringing in his ears like a death knell. Mannimarco's stoic expression warped into an animalistic snarl, his lips curled back. With a yell, he launched a concentrated bolt of electricity into the darkness. It lit up the entire cave in white light, highlighting at least a dozen rotting faces, bearing barnacles and unfortunate algal growth along their skin. The lightning ball had managed to slam into the nearest zombie, immolating it instantly. The others, now sensing their prey clearly, rushed the Altmeri pair with frenzied screeches.

Vanus had no time to think, only react. He threw ice shards at every enemy he could find, landing near-perfect shots on more than half of them. The now-permanently dead fell to the ground with a sick thud, decaying flesh hitting wet stone. He knew he was succeeding and felt proud of how quickly he'd responded to the threat, but his heart stopped when he saw a purple-blue light surround one of the less marred creatures. It stood slowly on unsteady legs, then sank the remainder of its broken teeth into the nearest of its kind.

Vanus looked to Mannimarco, hoping he was as surprised as he had been. What he saw made him nauseous: that same indigo light was stretching out from the pale mer's fingers, connecting him to the undead. He wore a twisted smile, one of pure thrill. He wasn't shocked at the rising of the dead. He was  _causing_ it…

Vanus had little time to consider this new development as he was attacked by two more zombies, both stumbling towards him in a blind, shambling rage. He dispatched them quickly with spears of energy, watching with horror as Mannimarco's new pet slaughtered the remaining three creatures.  _Which one's more terrifying? The undead or the living controlling them?_

When every last zombie lay permanently dead and Mannimarco's slave had fizzled into a pile of glowing ash, Vanus summoned another magelight. Mannimarco was looking at him with a smile on his face, beaming, ill-suited to the morbidity of what he'd just accomplished.

"Haha, we did it, Vanus!" he said, emphasizing his enthusiasm with a clap to the younger Altmer's stiffened shoulder, "I told you we wouldn't get eviscerated. These monsters barely put up a fight!" Still laughing amusedly, he gave a defeated zombie a swift kick. It took him a few moments to realize that Vanus didn't share his happiness at their victory. When he looked at his companion's face, he drew back, smile quickly fading.  _Is that anger?_

"What  _was_  that?" Vanus asked heatedly, eyes blazing furiously in the sparse light. Mannimarco only looked at him quizzically, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"What was what?" he returned, honestly curious as to what Vanus was so upset about.

" _That!_ " Vanus replied venomously, pointing at the mystically steaming ash-pile, "What you did to that creature! You…" he stumbled over his words, struggling to find the reality in what he was about to say, "You resurrected it. It was already gone and you brought it back…I know for a fact that you didn't learn that from any of our teachers."

"Oh, that?" Mannimarco said with a slightly cheerful inflection, "It's a technique that I read about in some ancient Ayliedic texts. Apparently, they do this sort of thing in their religious ceremonies, among other things. I thought I'd try it out. It's nothing, really…"

"'I _t's nothing?'_ Do you even know what you did? Calling the spirit back after it's passed on is a blatant  _sin_ , Mannimarco. What makes you think that it's permissible to do something like that? If the others find out-"

Feeling as if he was being attacked, the pale-haired mer grew frustrated and cut off his friend, puffing up like a threatened snake.

"It wasn't as if I had killed a person in the streets and then resurrected them with the whole damn island watching, Vanus! These mistakes of nature and...well, probably sload magic, knowing _this_ isle...were already undead. I was just making short work of them. Besides, you're overreacting! The rest of the Order would have no way of finding out about it unless one of us mentions it to them, which we won't."

He waited eagerly for Vanus's affirmative reply, but got only silence. Vanus was glowering, standing near the entrance to the cavern with an unrelenting expression of disdain.

"Won't we, Vanus?" he repeated with conviction, looking his younger companion straight in the eye. With reluctance, eventually Vanus sighed heavily and lowered his head, shaking it in resignation.

"You tell me it was nothing, but you refuse to tell anyone about it," he paused, returning his gaze to Mannimarco's, "I won't tell them, Mannimarco, but it can't happen again. If it does…Well, I don't even want to think of what it would mean. Just promise me you won't do it anymore. It was a one-time moment of academic curiosity and now that you've been satisfied, you'll never have to use the spell again…"

He was ready to plead his point to the older male when Mannimarco's defensive posture sagged and he released a sigh of submission.

"Fine," he said, "Let's get out of here, then."

The blonde mer headed towards the exit of the cave, a wary, weary Vanus in tow. As they made their way back to the Tower, Vanus replayed the entire skirmish in his head, recalling the sick smile on his companion's face as he resurrected the zombie and the happiness he'd heard in his voice when he explained his accomplishment. It twisted his stomach into knots, making him cringe. If he was honest with himself, Mannimarco had scared him. No, more than that. He had  _terrified_  him. There was something lurking beneath his intelligent, refined exterior that had just shown its ugly face to Vanus. For the first time since the day they met, Vanus felt a shiver of foreboding in the back of his mind. He knew it wouldn't be the last he'd see of it.

The rest of the journey back was spent in silence. When they reached the palace, Mannimarco had bid him a clipped goodbye and stalked off to his room without another word. Vanus thought about following him, but held back when he observed the stiffness in the older mer's posture as he walked away.  _Let him be, Vanus,_  he thought to himself,  _it's best if you let him be._

However, Mannimarco sat in his room, seething. He had nearly thrown his fist into the stone wall as soon as he closed the door, but settled for taking out his anger on the nearest thing he could grab: a large journal of notes from his latest class. He whipped the hefty tome across the otherwise-orderly room with a snarl, relishing the tell-tale thud of it hitting the wall with gusto. Shockingly enough, the random act of violence had calmed his temper enough for him to think.

He sat on the edge of his darkly-covered bed, head in his hands. He had been stupid for thinking that Vanus wouldn't react to his spell. By Oblivion, he had been stupid to even  _try_  it in his presence. The blonde mer chastised himself for his lack of consideration and thoughtful foresight. He should've known better, but a lingering need of approval from the other mer had proved stronger than his good conscience on the matter. 

He had assured Vanus that he was never going to try it again.

He had  _promised_ that he was never going to resurrect what was already dead.

He had looked the younger mer in his great, sky-coloured eyes and promised him that he was done with it.

Mannimarco smiled to himself, thinking back on the situation he'd placed himself in. He loved Vanus dearly, but he was already in far too deep to be drawn out by a promise he'd made only to satisfy him.

Essentially, he had assured Vanus Galerion that he would never practice the art of necromancy.

He had lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK how long it's gonna take me to fix all this, lol. I know that the Artaeum in ESO is just like this huge open space, but I like to think that the Psijics change the landscape whenever they feel like it. Besides, this was 300 years prior to ESO. Work with me, man.


	3. Dreams and Destinies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Vanus has uncomfortable dreams and Mannimarco is a creepy asshole.

Vanus couldn't sleep. His restless mind simply wouldn't let him. It kept replaying the images of the incident from that morning: vivid pictures of rotting faces, the insane grin of a mad mage, the indigo light of the morbid spell. It was all there,  _and it wouldn't go away._

It wasn't the first night he'd spent wakeful since his arrival on Artaeum. With as frequently as they occurred, Vanus fancied himself an expert on thwarting insomnia. He'd learned how to deal with it in several ways, most of which involved drinking warm tea and reading the most boring of historical novels until his eyelids grew heavy. Some nights, however, called for more drastic measures. He would then crawl out of bed and walk the moonlit palace and its grounds, darting his eyes every so often to the star-speckled sky in appreciation. The soft, silver rays soothed him. The melodic chirping of cicadas cleared his mind. He needed peace; needed to just lose himself in the serenity. Tonight was one of those nights.

He didn't even bother to change out of his gauzy, cream-coloured sleepclothes as he got up and left his room. His collarbone-length dark hair curled rebelliously, sticking up in every direction, indicative of his restless tossing and turning. If someone found him wandering the ancient halls so late at night and in such a state of disarray, he'd be chastised 'til he couldn't think anymore. Some of the Psijics were fussier over their students than mother hens over their chicks. Though, as he padded bare-foot down the dimly lit hallways, he couldn't bring himself to care what anyone thought of him, much less some old coot badgering him about his haggard appearance.

The young mer wandered aimlessly for a long while, traversing hallway after hallway, courtyard after courtyard. At long last, he was beginning to feel sleep creep up on him. He shambled his way back towards the wing he lived in, eyelids beginning to droop. He was almost to the edge of the staircase leading to his floor when a shadow in his periphery drew his gaze, eyes snapping open. It was gone as quickly as it had come.  _Much like my sleepiness,_  he thought with frustration. He shook his head and began ascending the twisted staircase, footfalls heavy. As he neared the last step, another flurry of movement in the dark caught his eye. He turned around quick enough to snag a better glimpse of the phantasm, catching it as it walked silently across the foyer below him. It was a definitely a person, taller than he by a few inches at least. It was dressed in dark clothing, a travelling cloak billowing out behind its form gracefully with every stride. Through the near-pitch darkness, Vanus could make out a long swathe of pale hair down the individual's back. Recognition seeped into the young mage's mind as the figure left through the exit to the gardens.

_My, my,_ Vanus Galerion thought with some irritation,  _Guilty conscience keeping you awake?_  Disregarding his plan to try to find sleep, he bolted down the stairs and chased after Mannimarco, insatiably curious. 

_You can't hide anything from me…Not this time._

Mannimarco had heard Vanus running up behind him and stopped in the middle of the elegant wooden bridge that ran over a small stream in one of the many outdoor gardens. Much as he wished he could have just continued evading Vanus, he knew avoiding his younger companion was no longer an option. Vanus halted at the edge of the bridge, breathing heavily from his run. He didn't speak, but just looked at the blonde mer quizzically, as if expecting some sort of explanation.

"It seems we're both wakeful, Vanus," he said coolly, eyes on the moving water below him.

"I suppose so," he replied, walking up onto the bridge to stand next to his companion, "Though I never thought you for the strolling type."

Mannimarco chuckled at that, though it was largely a hollow sound.

"I'm not, not usually. I was restless. I guess I couldn't put the images of this morning out of my mind."

Vanus froze, labored breathing slowing to a crawl. He stared at the older male's moonlit profile, unable to speak. Mannimarco must've sensed his sudden hesitation and turned to him, laughing darkly.

"I believe you had the same dilemma, then. You don't freeze up unless I mention something that disturbs you. You never were very good at hiding your emotions, my dear."

Vanus exhaled, releasing some of the tension in his shoulders.

"And you were never very good at  _controlling_  yours," he replied with thinly-veiled indignation, going to stand closer to the other mer, "but yes. I couldn't stop thinking about it, either…"

Mannimarco smiled somberly, eyes on Vanus. He sighed lightly, leaning on one arm on the bridge's railing. The younger assumed he was thinking deeply about something and was surprised when a long-fingered hand came up and brushed a stray lock of hair behind his pointed ear. He flinched, but did not move away. Mannimarco's hand stayed where it was, digits weaving gently through knotted strands.

"I'm sorry, Vanus," he said, emerald irises nearly glowing in the night, "What I did bothered you more than you'd ever tell me…"

The silence between them was as heavy as the humid summer air. Vanus heard the sincerity in his tone and allowed himself to melt into it, readily accepting the apology Mannimarco was offering him. He had spent the entire night thinking the absolute worst, and his mind longed for absolution. It was relieving to have those fears assuaged, the images of rising dead and sick smiles banished to the corners of his mind. He brought his gaze to his companion's, heart pounding in his ears.

"I won't lie to you," he began, fingering the hem of his shirt, "You terrified me. Performing that spell brought out a side to you that I never wanted to see and hope never to see again…"

Vanus trailed off, diverting his eyes from the intense stare of the older mage. He could hear his heart racing even faster as the hand that was tangled in his thick hair trailed down his jaw to cup his chin, softly turning his head to face his companion once more. Mannimarco's expression was unreadable in the moonlight, but Vanus was certain it had changed from one of expectant scrutiny to something else entirely. _Can you hear my heart? How can you not?_

"Vanus," he said, voice barely a breath. Vanus closed his eyes, slipping easily into the feeling that was enveloping him as he sensed his fellow student move closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He inhaled sharply as he felt another pair of lips on his own, not daring to move. There was nothing demanding in the kiss, and Vanus allowed himself to reciprocate, arms finding their way around Mannimarco's shoulders. He wasn't sure why he felt so alright with this, why he permitted and even  _encouraged_  the older mer to continue, velvet tongue sliding into his mouth and dancing with his own. He pressed closer, seeking contact and relishing in the warmth it brought him when he felt the blonde mer's body flush against his.

What happened in the caverns didn't matter. The crazed smile on Mannimarco's face as he resurrected the dead didn't matter. Nothing mattered, save for them, save for the sensation of intimacy they shared. It was all he had...

 

* * *

 

Vanus awoke with a start, sweat on his brow. His sheets were in a tangled mess around his too-warm body, sleepclothes sticking uncomfortably to his soaked skin. He sat up, raking a trembling hand through his now hopelessly knotted hair. Images of the dream came flooding back quickly, sending unwelcome shivers down his spine as he thought of Mannimarco's kiss. The young mage breathed deeply, trying to calm his horribly sensitive body. His skin still felt as if it were on fire. He looked quickly around his paper-blanketed room, unsure of exactly when he'd fallen asleep. Realizing that he probably wouldn't be able to return to dreamland, he untangled himself from his sheets and walked out of his room, fanning himself. He intended to go for a walk to clear his mind, praying that he would be able to stop replaying the dream. It made him uncomfortable to say the least, and he wasn't about to admit how it truly made him feel. He made it to the top of the staircase before movement caught his eye.

_By the Eight,_  he thought as his stomach flipped nervously, _you must be kidding me._

As in the dream, Mannimarco stalked about the foyer in a black travelling cloak. Though, to Vanus's shock and desperate relief, he walked in the direction of the library. More cautious than his dream-self had been, Vanus snuck down the stairs, taking care to be as quiet as possible. He wasn't going to let himself get caught.

The younger mer managed to follow his older friend at a distance for a while, staying far enough behind so as to avoid alerting Mannimarco of his presence. Once they arrived at the massive library, however, the blonde mer vanished among the ceiling-high shelves of countless books, leaving Vanus more than a slight bit confused. He quietly searched every aisle, spying for his companion in the meager, undulating light that filtered into the gargantuan room from the high windows on either wall. He was growing steadily more and more frustrated as his search proved fruitless, until a bizarrely placed book in the case on the back wall caught his eye. It was a small tome on the fourth shelf up, lying awkwardly on its well-worn spine.

Vanus examined it curiously, eventually tipping it right-side up in a gesture of propriety and ingrained respect. As the book slid into place, the dark-haired mer's sensitive ears heard a click. A door opened up from the bookshelf that revealed a slim, stone staircase descending below the palace. Immediately, his curiosity turned to suspicion. He knew without a doubt that Mannimarco had gone down there. His stomach twitched again, the now-familiar sensation of foreboding slipping back into his keen senses. Steeling himself for whatever he might find, Vanus swallowed thickly, taking his first steps down the stairs. He summoned a magelight, placing his hands over it to limit the reach of its light, leaving just what was needed for him to see. The passage itself was innocuous enough, just roughly-hewn rock and cold, stone stairs. The journey down was uneventful until he tripped on the jagged edge of a step, bludgeoning his exposed toes and letting out a loud curse. He winced, hearing the echo bounce off the stone walls.  _Divine Auri-el, protect me…_

Meanwhile, Mannimarco frowned in disappointment as he violently ripped the necklace off the corpse. He threw it across the large, candle-lit room, huffing in anger. This was the  _fifth time_  he'd tried to bind the residual soul of the dead to an object, and it was the fifth time he'd  _failed._ The corpse in question would rise for a few moments, sentient enough to speak simple words, then would fall back to the stone floor, dead as a doornail. The necromancer wanted to tear his hair out in frustration. He had big plans, very big plans, but he couldn't accomplish  _any_ of them if the subjects he tested his theories on didn't want to work with him. It wasn't so much to ask, was it? A little cooperation from the dead would've been most welcome. Sighing dramatically, he stood, walking over to his desk and selecting another necklace to enchant.  _Well,_ he thought, fastening the bauble around the neck of a dead Imperial watchman from the Emperor's most recent visiting party,  _I suppose that the sixth time's the charm._

Indigo tendrils of magic were taking shape at his fingertips when he heard the yell. It had come from the staircase that lead into the room, and by the sound of it, the owner of the voice was too close for comfort. Heart fluttering in fright, Mannimarco immediately disarmed his spell and ran over to the candle, dousing it. He bolted to the door, going through it and locking it in record time. He halted at the base of the stairs, taking a moment to collect himself before beginning his ascent. He was gaining too much ground to be discovered now! He'd be damned if he let all of his work go to waste. A pale blue light illuminated the stairs as he neared the source of the voice. What he discovered was a magelight hovering above the sitting form of a mer. The intruder sat on a single step, examining a lightly bleeding bare foot with messy locks of brown hair hanging in his face.

"Vanus?" Mannimarco asked, standing over his friend. Vanus's eyes snapped up quickly, guilty expression on his features as if he were a child caught stealing a sweetroll. The younger mer stood, wavering a little as he placed his damaged foot on the ground.

"I tripped…" was the only thing the shorter mage said, wincing in pain as he put weight on his injury. Mannimarco raised an eyebrow, secretly relieved that Vanus had only made it as far as the curve in the stairwell that marked the half-way point.

"What were you doing down here in the first place? You aren't even wearing shoes!"

"Well, I couldn't sleep, so I was wandering the halls…"

Vanus's sheepish expression turned sour as he stared at his companion, suddenly remembering his suspicions.

"Wait, what are  _you_  doing down here?" he demanded, placing his hands on his hips, "I saw you come in here when I was walking about the Tower. It's a bit strange for there to be a mysterious hole in the wall, even stranger for me to find you in it."

Mannimarco was nervous, but restrained himself from revealing so. He pushed past Vanus, gripping the younger mer's thin wrist then proceeding to drag him up the steps.

"I thought it was strange, too," he lied quickly, developing a decent cover story in his clever mind, "When I'm wakeful, I come in the Archives to read. Not all of us keep a personal library, you know."

When Vanus didn't respond beyond a quick snort of indignation at the subtle insult, he took it as a good sign and kept elaborating.

"Perhaps you saw the book that was out of place as I did when I came in. I couldn't help my curiosity, Vanus; you know how I can get when I discover something unusual. I opened the door, same as you must've and followed the stairs. I made it all the way down to the last step before I realized it was a dead end. The only thing at the end of this path is a small, empty room. Maybe the Psijics hid in here during Maormer sieges. Who knows?"

"Maybe so," Vanus said, still apprehensive. The logic Mannimarco shoved at him was sound, but he couldn't escape the niggling feeling that the tall mer was lying through his near-perfect teeth.

"So, you had no idea that this place existed? None at all?"

Mannimarco scoffed, nearly throwing Vanus out of the staircase when they reached the top. He closed the door softly and looked at Vanus with anger, doing his best to feign offence.

"Of course not, Vanus," he spat, as if in disbelief that the curious Altmer would even suggest such a thing, "I'd have told you about it if I had known it existed before tonight, wouldn't I? Do you really have that little faith in me?"

Vanus diverted his eyes to the pale hand still on his wrist, considering the imploring tone in his friend's voice and trying not to tremble from the touch.

"I have faith in you, Mannimarco. I guess…" Vanus hesitated, worrying at his lower lip, "I guess I spent too much time thinking about what happened this morning before I went to bed. I've been more than a slight bit jumpy all night. The dreams I had certainly didn't help…"

Mannimarco smiled widely, releasing his grip on the shorter mer's wrist.

"It's alright," he said, exhaling in quiet relief, "I have been, too."

For a reason unbeknownst to him, Vanus looked up at him expectantly. The illumination of the magelight faded to nothing, leaving them bathed in only the sparse moonlight filtering down from one of the windows onto their aisle. 

_He's staring at you, Mannimarco. Make him believe you,_ really  _believe you. Apologize to him! Apologize!_

"I'm sorry, Vanus," he said softly, "What I did bothered you more than you'd ever tell me…"

Even in the weak light, Mannimarco saw his companion's eyes widen and heard his breathing hitch in his chest. He didn't understand the reaction, but shrugged it off as shock that he was actually lowering himself to apologize. He gave a half-hearted laugh and moved closer to Vanus, removing a dark strand of hair from Vanus's face, placing it behind his ear with a brush of his hand. He let his hand linger, entwining his fingers in the mussed locks. Much to his surprise, Vanus's eyes widened even more, and a fair bit of colour faded out of his cheeks.

"I-I won't l-lie to you," the young mage stuttered, words sounding curiously rehearsed to Mannimarco, "You t-terrified me. Performing that spell brought out a side to you that I never wanted to see and hope never to see again…"

Vanus Galerion was shaking. Not just trembling, as if from a chill, he was  _shaking._ Mannimarco moved even closer, looking at Vanus in the most comforting manner he could manage while telling bold-faced lies. He felt a twinge of regret as he stared into his eyes, feelings even more unwelcome than said regret seeping up into his gut the longer he stared. Vanus was looking at him as if he were waiting for something.

Vanus's hand was on his arm, lightly squeezing. All he could think about was the dream.  _By the Eight, it's real. It's real and he's here and he's looking at me and I can't breathe and Oblivion, why doesn't he just do it already?!_

Mannimarco leaned forward, stroking Vanus's cheek as he removed his hand from the twisted bird's nest of hair. His hand was outstretched and his lips were parted, as if he were about to speak.

"Vanus," he said. He stared for a few seconds longer, nearly losing himself in his companion's unyielding gaze. When he realized their proximity, he shook his head and drew back, hand coming to rest at his side.

He cleared his throat and nodded, taking a step away. He was beginning to feel a little sick to his stomach. Damn nerves.

"We, uh…We should go back to sleep. This place makes me a little nervous in the dark."

Vanus did his best not to look crestfallen and blinked a few times, trying come to terms with what just happened.

"Ahem. Right, of course," he answered, coughing once, "Me, too. Uh, I mean, I get nervous, too."

Mannimarco bid him a clipped goodnight and hurried out of the library, appearing to Vanus as conflicted as he was. After he'd had time to calm his thumping heart and settle his rapid breathing, the younger mer shuffled back to his room. He collapsed on his bed as soon as he entered the messy abode, excruciatingly worn out. He managed to replay the entire night once more before sleep claimed him, deep and dreamless.

 

* * *

 

Mannimarco practically threw his door shut as he rushed into his room, chest heaving. A cold sweat had broken out on his forehead and he was sure that his face was as pale as the corpse's had been. Yes, there would be a time to show his companion all he'd managed to create and accomplish, but the time was not now. Not by a long shot. Heart still hammering, he sat down at the edge of his neatly-made bed and put his head in his hands, exhaling shakily. Vanus had almost found out.

He had almost lost everything.

_He had almost lost everything…_

He couldn't recall a time he had ever felt this horrified. If Vanus had found his experiments, if he was to discover…No. No, he couldn't afford to think about what would happen. It wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't let it. As long as he was alive to stop him—

Alive.

Mannimarco smiled to himself, realizing with sudden clarity that he had just inadvertently solved his most vexing problem. Perhaps the soul-binding required a  _live_  subject in order to succeed. If he was right (and more serious thought on the matter made him almost positive he was,) then he had discovered the path to his greatest ambition. It would need testing, of course, a great deal of testing, but once he found the perfect ritual, he would have everything he dreamed of.

He fell back on his bed with his arms outstretched, snickering lightly to himself.

This was real. He had done it, and he'd be damned to Oblivion if he didn't find a way to make it a reality. The Psijic order didn't matter. The pathetic classes and watered-down spells they force-fed him didn't matter. Even Vanus ( _You're lying to yourself, Mannimarco, you almost gave in tonight,)_  didn't matter in comparison. Nothing mattered. He would become immortal; a god. No one, not even Vanus, was going to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't remember much about this chapter, but holy fuck, edits.


	4. Serenity and Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Vanus argues with Iachesis and the boys get closer. Contains the lead-up to some smut, written with extra assistance by my close friend who does not have an AO4 account. Also, this chapter is long af. Hope you're ready for that.

It was mid-morning at the beginning of autumn on the island of Artaeum. Psijic Master Iachesis sat on his balcony at an intricately carved wooden table, overlooking the flame-coloured foliage of the Tower's gardens. He inhaled deeply, sipping warm tea imported from Cyrodiil. He was expecting someone, and knew it would be only a matter of time before his guest arrived. Sure enough, he heard the sound of footsteps on the tile floor behind him, announcing the presence of another.

"You wished to see me, Ritemaster?" Vanus Galerion said, standing at the entrance to the balcony with his long-fingered hands clasped before him. He looked remarkably clean, Iachesis noted with some pleasure, as the white of Vanus's student robes shone brilliantly in the light.

"Ah, Vanus! Indeed I did. Please, sit." With a smile, Iachesis gestured to the seat opposite him. Vanus obliged obediently and joined him at the table, looking at his Master with an expression of curiosity. Iachesis regarded him for a moment, gently setting his teacup back on the smooth, wooden surface.

"Tomorrow will be a momentous day for you, will it not?" he asked, folding his arms neatly in his lap, "You finally shed the title of student and become what you've aspired to be for so very long: a full-fledged member of the Psijic Order."

Vanus grinned somewhat sheepishly, plucking absentmindedly at his robes. Though he seemed timidly excited about his 'graduation,' Iachesis detected that his talented mind was elsewhere. The dark-haired mer fidgeted under his questioning gaze, looking everywhere but into his aging mentor's eyes.

"Are you nervous, my child?" the Psijic asked, deciding to call attention to Vanus's hesitation and unnatural behavior.

"No," he answered honestly, "No, I'm not nervous about becoming a member of the Order."

Iachesis nodded, but still watched suspiciously as his student tapped his fingers on the table, eyes restlessly diverting to everything but him.

"Then what's troubling you if not the ceremony?"

Vanus finally stopped searching his surroundings for nothing and looked at Iachesis, cerulean eyes filled with atypical apprehension and a sort of pained exhaustion. He sighed heavily and shook his head as if defeated.

"I'm worried, Master."

"Worried?" Iachesis asked, leaning back into his chair, "About what?"

The young mage bit his lip, obviously unsure of how to address the problem that was eating away at him. Iachesis could tell that whatever was gave Vanus great pain to talk about; the usual carefree nature he'd come to expect from nearly every encounter he'd had with Vanus was gone, replaced by a spitting image of the wary child who had arrived twenty years prior.

"Speak, Vanus," he said strongly, causing the other male to flinch in embarrassment.

"Mannimarco."

"What?" Iachesis returned, confused.

"I'm worried about Mannimarco."

"Whatever for?" the Psijic Master demanded, prying at the young mage. Though he still appeared uncomfortable, Vanus glared at him steadily for the first time since they began conversing, regaining some of his natural confidence.

"He's…changing. Every day, I see it. Every day, I sense more and more of him slipping away from us. There's something wrong with him, Master. I can tell…"

Iachesis regarded him, eyebrows raised in doubt. Vanus paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts, but continued speaking.

"Master Iachesis, I fear…I fear he may be practicing dark magic."

Iachesis felt a little horrible for his actions, but he couldn't help laughing lightly at Vanus's claim. The thought of his best and brightest becoming a dark mage was absurd. Mannimarco was a mercurial creature, but not one to turn to questionable magics. Vanus regarded him with a look of offended anger, nails digging into the tabletop.

"Vanus, that's nonsense. What kind of proof do you have to support this…this  _theory_  of yours?"

"Have you seen him lately?" Vanus asked, staring hard at his Master, "He looks like death. His skin is as pale as bone and he appears not to have slept for weeks. As a matter of fact, he probably hasn't. I've caught him countless times staying up into the wee hours of the night, face buried in some ancient tome or another from the bowels of the Archives. He refuses to tell me what it is he's researching, and every time I inquire about his sleeping habits he brushes off my concern, saying it's _'needless.'_ He's up to something, Ritemaster. Observe him for a little while and I  _guarantee_  I won't be proven wrong."

The young mer hoped his Master would see solid reason behind his words, but Iachesis only waved his hand in dismissal.

"You are overreacting, my child. You know as well as I do that, once Mannimarco sets his mind to something, not even the opened doors of Oblivion would stop him. You're assuming his dedication has some sinister ulterior motive when it is nothing more than intensive study. All of us have gone through a phase like that at some point, including you, Vanus. Perhaps you're reading too much into this."

Vanus opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly, looking away from the white-haired Master. When his gaze returned, his eyes were blazing with an anger that shocked Iachesis.

"You're blind," he said through gritted teeth, standing up from the table in a self-righteous huff, "You're blind, and by the time you open your eyes, it will be too late! He won't hide himself forever, Master, and when he finally shows his true colours, it will be the death of us all!"

"That's enough, Vanus Galerion," Iachesis commanded sternly, shooting his student a sharp glare, "I will hear no more of this. Sit down."

Vanus stared at him for a few moments more, fuming. He did not sit, but turned to walk away from his Master. When he reached the doorway, he looked back, expression wholly unreadable and far from pleasant.

"You will see," he muttered darkly, "You will see, but it will be too late to do anything about it. I'll see you at the ceremony."

The angry student left, leaving a stunned Iachesis watching after him. He released a heavy sigh, massaging his temples. A heavy gust of chilly wind dragged dying leaves from the trees, depositing them on the balcony. Thoughtfully, the Master plucked one off the tiles and held it between his thumb and forefinger, examining the splotches of yellow and red across it. Indeed, the autumn of his life was beginning as well. He had little time to deal with rebellious students and misunderstood threats.

_I'm getting too old for this…_

 

* * *

 

 Mannimarco was fond of the cooler seasons. In truth, he always had been. The cold was less oppressive than the summer heat, and though he knew it to be the work of the elder Psijics, he found that he really didn't mind their intervention so much. After all, it turned the flowery landscape of pink, green, and purple into a veritable blanket of rich amber and goldenrod, more pleasing to his discerning eye than the alternative. So, it was with an easy smile that he walked along the woodland path, idly searching for his companion without any real urgency to his stride.

Sure enough, he found Vanus without much struggle. The mer was still rather close to the palace, all things considered, and seemed to be in deep consideration over a mound of _dirt_ that he held in his hands. Curious, the paler mage ventured a bit nearer without alerting Vanus of his presence, brows furrowed slightly in thought as he observed the scene from behind the barrier of a tall maple tree. As he watched those honeyed strands of hair dance in the cool breeze, Mannimarco couldn't help the aching twinge of something like desire burgeoning in his heart. He'd have pushed them back on his own, he thought, if he and Vanus were....different.

Vanus, meanwhile, had lost track of how long he had been sitting here, cross-legged on the stump, wasting time until the farce of a ceremony he knew he had to undertake. Judging from his soft panting and somewhat pained expression, Vanus was giving his seemingly idle task his entire focus. After another wave of intense concentration, the mound of dirt in his palms shimmered and slowly, out came a distinctly pink flower, resembling the cherry blossoms that sprung from the island's trees during the summer months. 

The mer's jaw dropped and he let out a small hoot of victory, lifting his hands into the air and exclaiming, "AHAH! SUCCESS! You thought you had bested me but I am not so easily top-"

It cut off quickly, however, when he saw the pale Altmer standing off to the side. Embarrassment flooded his cheeks, colouring them crimson, and quickly, he lowered his hands to his lap. Clearing his throat and taking on as much of a professional tone as possible, he remarked, "....Mannimarco. O-Out for a walk, are you?"

Really though, Mannimarco found the mer's excitement (and telltale blush) just too endearing. He wanted to laugh, but deciding that doing so would only make poor Vanus more upset and anxious, he opted not to, allowing his mirth to instead colour his expression with a gentle smile, light dancing brightly in the flicker of his gold-green gaze. Interest piqued and cover blown, he ventured nearer to his younger friend, lifting a brow at the state of the flower that now sat snugly in the palms of the mer's upturned hands.

Delicately, he reached out to touch one of the rosy petals, careful not to damage it with the too-long swipe of his nail. "I like the autumn weather," he mused after a moment, casting his gaze up to Vanus' tanned, freckled face, "I find that the woods are more peaceful this time of year, yes...but I admit, I was partially looking for you. It's not like you to simply wander off on your own for so many hours, Vanus. You worried me. With the ceremony coming up..."

It was difficult for Vanus to admit that he found Mannimarco's attention or worry to be welcome, but he did not want to be outwardly rude to his companion simply for showing some (admittedly rare) compassion.

Wedged between a proverbial rock and a hard place, the mer just held the flower up for the pale Altmer to examine.

"Oh...oh, this has nothing to do with appreciating what time of year it is, Mannimarco, nor does it mean that I'm running from pomp and circumstance. I was merely seeing if I could possibly get the earth to react to energy given outside its predetermined state of autumn, as it were; to change it from what it had been designed as. You see?" he replied, chest inflating somewhat, "Apparently, it can be done with enough concentration. I am sure there are methods or even new spells that can be determined, knowing this too can be accomplished. Although, I do wonder, why...would you be worried for _me_? The woods around are not terribly dangerous and you certainly know I am no push over!"

The elder mer made a show out of examining the flower in greater detail, despite knowing exactly why and how Vanus had chosen to do it. Like him, the mer was insatiably curious about any and all things magical, though he had to admit that Vanus' interests were, of course, far more innocuous than his own. Still, it endeared him further to the younger Altmer as he placed a hand upon the flower, helping it to grow a bit with the application of his own magic. It would sprout several buds, blooming into delicate pink flowers that smelled like the cherry trees of summer. Satisfied, he turned his attention back up to Vanus, smirking just a bit too dangerously.

 "I know, I know. It's merely habit. I find I often wonder where you've gone when you're not beside me," he replied, trying to keep his tone light-hearted and airy instead of earnest and heartfelt, "Don't think too much on it, Vanus. In any case, I find this rather impressive. After all, the Psijics do encourage us to try to learn things on our own, do they not? What better way to do so than by testing the boundaries of their own work?"

The Altmer's brows furrowed when he watched Mannimarco so easily coax the young plant into sprouting further with just a touch of his hand. An odd mixture of awe and jealousy rumbled deep within him as he looked over the plant in appreciation then slowly stood so he could place it down on the dirt.

"Heh, you almost make it sound as if I am your _pet_ , Mannimarco. You could do much worse, in terms of pets, I suppose, but I assure you that my upkeep would not be worth it."

Dusting his hands off, he turned and looked up to the mer slightly, "I've got to agree with you, though. We, as students, are inevitably meant to outpace and outperform our masters. Hence the ceremony. The _graduation,_ " he replied, squinting at Mannimarco in a suspicious manner that belayed his inner turmoil, "Have you anything you are putting your energy into?"

It wasn't really subtle, or subtle at all, really...but if he didn't at least venture to ask, he likely would let his wariness die on a wave of appreciative consideration, and he simply wasn't ready for that.

"Pet...?" Mannimarco retorted, pale cheeks darkening with a subtle blush that even Vanus might notice, "Hardly. We do almost everything together. It's simply strange when I look around to see you elsewhere. Nothing more. Besides, I would never treat you with such...indignity. You're far too righteous for that."

That reply was easy. However, at Vanus's subsequent question, he faltered somewhat, images of dark tomes and sequestered interests blooming in the forefront of his mind unbidden. He forced them back as quickly as he could, adopting an easy, placating smile. His hand came to rest upon Vanus' shoulder, and in hopes of distracting him just a bit further from the subtle slip of his mental acuity, he lightly teased a few golden brown strands behind one of the younger mer's pointed ears. "My energy? A loaded question, that. I've a few things I've been working on, but I will admit, none of them involve the manipulation of their seasonal ventures. I was hoping to work with enchantments. Testing the limits of what objects can be enchanted and with what effect, as it were."

A meagre explanation, then, for the sleeplessness and perpetual distraction.

Vanus did not miss that subtle blush on the pale mer's cheeks. He was ready to question both that and the 'righteous' remark before he felt the hand on his shoulder, and it alone was enough to cause him pause and a wholehearted stuttering of his train of thought.

"L-loaded question? I...I wouldn't think so! It was rather straightforward, if you ask me!" he replied with a bit of a haughty huff, though that died down as his hair was brushed behind his ear.  _Damn it._

"...Enchantments?" he then asked suddenly, visibly perking at the slight change in subject, "I am studying those as well, actually, though I wonder if we are seeking similar results! What's your study plan? Have you done anything specific? What objects have you tried?" Each subsequent question was posed with a renewed vigor, causing Vanus to lean in closer at every one, though for Mannimarco, it brought him far too close for comfort.

It renewed the necromancer's blush, and he, unable to help it, leaned back just a little, trying to put space between himself and the eager, exciteable mage that spoke to him. He did not trust himself _not_ to reach out to Vanus if he didn't, so it was there he remained, placing a hand on the mer's chest in order to place a barrier where he felt one desperately needed to be. With a slightly nervous chuckle, he pushed a bit of pale blonde hair over one of his shoulders, chewing at the flesh of his lower lip as he though of how best to reply to Vanus' rapid queries.

 "Calm down, calm down! I've tried several different things. Amulets, rings, staves...the standard objects. In truth, I was hoping for your input," he said, realizing belatedly that he'd not yet removed his hand from the younger mer's chest, and that his fingers were currently toying with the fabric of his robe. He had to stop touching this mer. It was unhealthy. "Perhaps we might combine our _stellar_ intellect to think up something more fascinating? After the ceremony, of course."

 Vanus only noticed the mer's hand when he felt the touch of fingers on his clothing. It snapped him back from his excitement fueled questions and his cheeks colored a dull pink as he rocked back onto the flats of his feet. This was a game, right? These fleeting touches. It had to be.  

Clearing his throat, he nodded, then coughed into his hand, "Hah. Yes, of course my help would be desired in a project like this. I don't blame you for wishing for a collaboration. Ahh..."

Awkwardly, he clasped Mannimarco's hand and shook it vigorously, "Consider it done. When shall we start? You...have only tried dense materials? Perhaps we should try fabric and see where we can go from there. Flexibility could...lead us to some interesting finds. But...ahh, right. Ceremony. I guess that's important, huh? Yes. Let's...let's just go and get it out of the way."  
  
_Flexibility._ Vanus was literally trying to kill him. He shook the unfortunate thoughts from his head and endeavoured to give him a nod, pursing his lips through a smile that had him gritting his teeth. As the mer shook his hand, he winced slightly, then withdrew it, afraid that any more contact would leave his skin scorching and his blush deepening. He sure didn't miss the way that Vanus' own cheeks darkened in response to his touch. After all, they'd played this game for a while. This...guessing game of light touches and glances that lingered just a bit too long where they should not.

Still,the elder Altmer walked off with the casual roll of his wrist, flicking a lock of platinum hair over one of his thin shoulders. It wasn't quite a dismissal, but an acknowledgement, as he sought not to put this off any longer than he had to. Vanus, much as he was confident and exciteable, was also perceptive; perceptive enough to notice the glimmer of what might've been excitement in Mannimarco's eyes as he listened and gave a solitary nod. He knew nothing would come of it, of course, but even so...he could hope, couldn't he?

"As you say."

 

* * *

 

The walk to their private rooms in what was now their designated wing was rather quiet, thankfully, despite the raucous party that had followed Vanus' promotion. In a stark contrast to Vanus disastrous personal space, Mannimarco's room was kept in pristine condition at all times, from the stately, plush bed (decorated with countless pillows and blankets in shades of royal purple) in the center to the organized workbench and desk shoved against the far wall, it was the picture of organized perfection, down to the very last scroll set in line with the rest. Even his bookshelves were filled with tomes arranged in alphabetical order, without a single one out of place or line.

Yes, the pale mer took great pride in his...rather obsessive methods. With a sigh, he moved to the small hearth and lit up a fire to warm the ample space for the pair of them, clearing off the desk with relative haste. 

Meanwhile, muddling over rather dangerous, lurid thoughts of Mannimarco when he _knew_ he should be thinking about enchantments, Vanus' brow was furrowed as he picked up two goblets of wine and a single large plate topped with numerous cheeses, breads, some fruit, and thin slices of heavily spiced meat. The scent was enough to distract him for a while, and he occupied his thoughts with eating until he came before Mannimarco's looming private quarters.

"Ahh...ahem...?" he cleared his throat outside the doors, arms quite full with the delivery of food. He  _might_ have lingered just a little while longer than his companion; drink was flowing freely, and the company of others was far, far less confusing. No curious touches, no subtle hinting...no worry.

Mannimarco shuffled over to the door, having since dressed down into a simple pair of black pants and delicately embroidered tunic made from silken fabric that just happened to be dyed a similar shade of indigo to the rest of his room's decor. The neckline was cut low, revealing his collarbone and the faintly raised ridge that was the start of his sternum. He was, after all, not a very muscular mer. He was lanky and thin, with his strength deceptively lying in his arms and in his endurance. He'd taken his hair out of the half-bun that held it back, causing several locks of platinum silver to spill out and over his angular face and over his back and chest.

His beauty was a dangerous one; all sharp edges and angles that promised to cut. "Took you long enough. Are the others really that good of company while utterly wasted?" he replied to Vanus, hardly expecting an answer, as he swung the door wide to greet him, stepping aside to allow him to enter, "I've set up the desk for the food. You might as well put it over there, since none of these rooms come with dedicated dining areas." As Vanus strode in, he'd notice the scent of nightshade in the air, hidden faintly below the aroma of pinewood burning in the hearth. It was distinctly _Mannimarco_ scent, one that seemed to follow him.

Vanus swallowed to himself after Mannimarco had stepped aside and he quickly entered the room, swaying only slightly from the influence of the wine he'd already imbibed. He wasted no time in putting the food platter and goblets down on the desk before he rested his rear against it, reaching down in order to pull his shoes off. "I was just making sure we had all we need for a balanced, uh...diet, that's all. There was not a whole lot of meat left, but I tried to get the cuts that you desire," he remarked as he laid one shoe to the side and went for his other.

"I...don't mind if we work while we are eating, just let us be careful to not stain any pages with drippings...or anything of the sort, mm?" He flashed a small smirk and reached up to pull his dark hair from its ponytail, running his fingers through it in a small effort to refresh himself. "Is...there something in particular you would like me to handle or...look over first?"

A shiver rose to Mannimarco's spine as Vanus spoke, taking note of the tone he used with careful understanding. Vanus, in his slightly inebriated state, thought it a game, then. He thought it another challenge, nothing more than that.

The thought alone was enough to cause his hackles to raise, eyes flashing coldly for a moment or two. In truth, he couldn't really _blame_ the mer for what he saw. It was his fault, after all. He had yet to lead him towards the vision of anything more than that which lay upon the surface, and it'd been by design. It would be better, he thought, if Vanus only saw his feelings and desires as casual and fleeting, as opposed to the all-consuming _need_ he felt in his heart that stretched far deeper than mere lust. For now, Mannimarco buried those feelings deeply. It wouldn't do to unearth them, now. But oh, the innuendos. Vanus had dictated that their game should become more complicated, and the elder mage became more cold.

"You tell me," he replied as he plucked up one of the wine goblets, taking a hearty sip of the dark liquid within. He leveled Vanus with a cool stare, lips pulled into a thin line. "You were the one intent on eating and studying, Vanus, not I. I would've assumed you'd a plan in mind."

Vanus, a bit surprised, took note of the other mer's change in demeanor and tone with visible concern.

Had he done something to offend him? Or was this too part of the little dance they had going on? In truth, Vanus didn't know and he could only keep up with so much, especially if they were to be studying at the same time as more wine was flowing down his gullet. The altmer brushed some of his dark hair behind an ear and picked up a goblet to drink from. "Well, Mannimarco," he began in a scholarly tone, "I will need to see your work and just where you are at before I can offer any insight. Otherwise, I am wandering in the dark with all of this. I need to know your frame of mind."

With that, he took a small moment to scan the room for signs of the mer's work, but since the room was so  _infuriatingly_ clean, it was rather a rather useless endeavour. "You...make it quite difficult to determine things unless you chose to show them, don't you?"

_Damn him._ Damn him and the tone of his voice, as if he were speaking of more than the work they were meant to be doing.

Mannimarco, prickly, took a seat beside Vanus at the desk and reached for a couple of books he'd set off to the side in a neat stack, planting them in the space between he and his companion with a dull 'thud.' They were journals, filled from front cover to back cover with notes and sketches, all drawn by the elegant swipe of the blonde's hand. His work was detailed and prim, set into neat, organized chapters and written with scholarly prose, listing materials and enchantments that ran the gamut from useful to completely pointless. Mannimarco began to munch idly on the food as he idly allowed Vanus to look through the journals, dodging his question altogether.

"The relevant information is contained in those," he replied dismissively, refusing to meet Vanus' cyan gaze even in the slightest, "Take as much time as you need, I suppose."

Vanus' brows shot up as the journals thudded between them.

The gesture wasn't lost on him in both the physical and metaphorical sense. Another drink was taken and he hefted one of the tomes into his lap, which he gingerly began to open with a careful, delicate touch. With his free hand, he took some of the berries and popped them into his mouth as he read.

"Oh, I wasn't assuming you were going to give me a deadline for any of this, no," he replied, slowly turning another page. "I often times wonder, however, if I just work better under pressure. Y'know, having someone push or press me to get a result that I could not have gotten without that sort of encouragement. Do, ah...do you find anything similar in how you work...?" 

Vanus had spoken up with a kind inflection, and to Mannimarco, he offered a single berry, placed neatly in the center of his upturned palm.

A peace offering, then.

Vanus believed that he'd offended him, and though he hadn't, Mannimarco was well aware of just how cold he could be when he was trying to protect himself from something. And this...? He felt he had to protect himself from this, from Vanus' attention in a way that cut too deeply. Still... Vanus sat there, watching him, all soft blue eyes and long, dark hair, wearing an expression that made some of the ice around his heart thaw away. For several long seconds, he thought about denying the offer and putting up the wall between them once more, but it took only a mere moment for him to decide against doing so. Instead, he reached for the berry with faintly trembling fingers and accepted it, placing it in his mouth with his eyes still fixed upon the younger Altmer's freckled face. He would swallow thickly as the juice hit his tongue, sweet and tangy, much like the feelings that swam around inside him as they spoke to one another. Curse him. Curse _this._

"I find that my own ambition is enough to motivate me," he replied at long last, soft-spoken and almost guilty, "It is enough to act as your motivation when you need it, I suppose, rather than seeking the reversal..."

The younger mer was watching every one of Mannimarco's moves intently, enraptured. A wave of surprising relief crashed over him when the berry was taken and it set the ever-studious mer off-guard; when he heard the softer tone the other mer offered, it set alight in him an inferno that he was unsure of how to control.

Him. Vanus Galerion, unsure of how to control a fire?

The mere thought of it caused his brows to furrow and his gaze to return to the book, but in truth, he was not really reading it at this point.

"Own...ambition? Just the want to better yourself drives you just as far than if...you were pushed against a deadline or a wall or something similar?" he asked this almost offhandedly, turning another page before he was wholly done with it, not yet realizing just what he had said. The wine really  _was_ affecting him...

Mannimarco tilted his head to the side, blood turning to ice in his veins, despite the faint hue of a blush that coloured his pale cheeks. "....A wall, Vanus....?"

Vanus looked up quickly, replying, "What about a wall? I said nothing about a wall." In truth, he had not even realized that he had said any such thing, but his cheeks were beginning to burn nontheless. Foot, meet mouth.

"....That's exactly what you just said," Mannimarco quickly amended, leaning a bit closer to the younger mer, searching his face for signs of guilt, "'Just the want to better yourself drives you just as far than if you were pushed against a deadline or a wall.' Interesting choice of words. It's almost as if you're speaking of something other than our work. I wonder, why? What's on your mind, if not enchanting?"

Mannimarco's memory was far better than Vanus'. He knew what he'd heard, and he'd not let the younger mer forget it any time soon. He needed to know now, more than ever, what was going through Vanus' head when he'd spoken. Sure, it could be innocent, or it could be lurid. He couldn't tell, but desperately, he wanted to find out.

The brunette Altmer's cheeks were on fire as Mannimarco leaned into his space. Damn. This, to him, almost seemed like a check-mate. Desperately trying to think of something to distract him, he plucked up some bread and began to bite into it.

"Well...ahh...Mannimarco, what do  _you_ think was on my mind if not enchanting? I...must hear this, for you seem to have, ahh...more than an idea than I do," he replied, then took another hearty bite of the bread. Yes. This would work to delay the inevitable influx of awkwardness, even if only for a few seconds.

"You've been toying with me..."

Mannimarco's voice was low and as smooth as silk, though there was a hint of sadness in it that would likely set Vanus' teeth on edge. His green-gold stare continued to bore into Vanus' as the younger mage took a bite of bread to earn himself a reprieve, and it was no struggle for him to realize that even Vanus had begun to blush. What were they doing? What was _he_ doing?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend and I mused over this for a long while, and in the end, this is how we decided to have it go. Oof.


	5. Pain and Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a lot of smut and they also end up arguing. They're a hot mess, and so is the length of this chapter.

_What were they doing?  What was_ he  _doing?_

Vanus bristled somewhat at Mannimarco's response, swallowing down his food as he turned to stare more directly at the paler mer.

" _I_ have been toying with _you_? Come now, is that a joke? We both know that you are far more the...the..." There, he gestured with his hands as he struggled to find the words, "...toying type. If I have been toying, you have been toying with me just as much, if not more!"

Mannimarco's hands shot out to grasp the younger mer's collar, holding him in place as he leaned forward, eyes burning with something like anger, righteous and painful. It came from deep, deep inside of him, bubbling to the surface like lava from beneath the surface of Nirn. Vanus would watch as several emotions flickered through Mannimarco's gaze: anger, frustration, hurt, and....was that affection? Fondness? Whatever it was, it was visceral and real, lacking in the vitriol that marred the rest. In the scant space between them, the elder mage struggled to calm himself, for his heart was now thundering in his chest, setting his hands to shaking and his face to blanching further.

"You have no _idea_ , Vanus," he stated at long last, through gritted teeth, "You have no _idea_ what this has done to me. Don't accuse me of something you know nothing about. You don't understand. You _can't_ understand."

The younger mage's heart leaped up into his throat as he was seized and he stared, mouth partly agape in shock. His own emotions were no less volatile as he gazed back, emboldened by adrenaline. Pressing his forehead against Mannimarco's in a gesture that certainly could be interpreted as a challenge, he retorted hotly. " _Can't_ understand, Mannimarco? Don't think yourself so far above me to consider yourself beyond understanding. I've met you in both knowledge and power at nearly every point during all the years we've known each other. We've been the same..."

His voice softened the smallest of fractions, betraying hesitance. Caution. "Why do you think I couldn't understand...?"

The necromancer then thought that, as he went forward with his next action, he'd come to regret it. It was a sick feeling in his gut, but heedless, he surged ahead anyways, tumbling over a precipice he'd been dancing upon for years uncounted. He kept hold of Vanus' robes as he pulled him forward and pressed their lips together, bruising and breathless, eyes shut tightly for fear of what he might see reflected back at him when he dared to open them. There was teeth, there was tongue, but for all the passion in the gesture, it was brief, as his fear won out, causing him to lean back, cupping the mer's cheek in his palm. He said nothing, but his gaze spoke enough for him. 

_This,_ it seemed to say, _Do you understand this? Do you understand what I feel inside?_

For once in his life, Vanus had been stunned into silence. With his dark hair askew, eyes wide and lips somewhat red from the passionate kiss, he stared at Mannimarco, completely at a loss. All he could hear was his own heart in his ears and all he could smell was Mannimarco before him. Those hands against his cheek and those soft, wan lips...was it weakness to want to feel them again? Inebriated or otherwise, he began to think not. He couldn't fight it. After a painfully long stare, Vanus finally knocked the tomes from between them onto the floor and pressed forward to take the kiss up again, though this time his hands had slid up the paler mer's sides and toyed loosely with the fabric of his tunic.

Mannimarco's head was reeling. Vanus tasted like wine and power and good _gods_ it was intoxicating to him. He held on tightly to the other Altmer as he surged forward yet again, meeting him halfway, muffling a low sigh of approval against those faintly swollen lips. His whole body felt as if it was on fire, and he didn't want it to stop for anything, as he tried to pull Vanus into his lap, wrapping his arms solidly around his waist. Or rather, one remained at the small of his back as the other strayed into his hair, giving the dark strands a light, suggestive tug. Vanus took the suggestion breathlessly and sat himself in the paler mer's lap before his thighs wrapped around those thin hips.

Through it all, the necromancer could ask but one thing: "H-How long....?"

Vanus, admittedly,could barely hear Mannimarco over the thundering of his own heart, and it was with some difficulty that he managed to respond. " _Years..._ " passed by his lips that in turn sought out Mannimarco's again. Perhaps they were moving too quickly, but the mer desperately needed to feel that pale skin. His hands roved and sought to slide up and under that loose tunic of his friend's ( _lover's?)_ seeking to just remove it altogether and toss it back onto the floor. 

And, perhaps surprisingly, Mannimarco allowed it.

He let Vanus remove the tunic from his form and let him toss it away, too, exposing his pale chest to the younger mer without even the slightest amount of shame. Beneath it, his body was that of a well-trained mage: lithely muscled and thin, with willowy limbs and long fingers that now secured around Vanus' hips, holding him in place. Mannimarco's long hair spilled over his shoulders and chest, looking like rivers of moonlight across the porcelain expanse of his skin. He bore no resounding scar upon him, save for small nicks and burns that had been given to him from a lifetime of magical study. "Vanus..." he mumbled against the younger mage's lips, nipping at them lightly with the grazing touch of his teeth, "I...this....should we...?"

" _Yes._ H-how could you even be asking me that?"

The younger mer's length was beginning to harden against Mannmarico's abdomen. There was no way he could hide what he wanted, not now. As he felt those teeth, a smallest moan left him and he returned the gesture. He did, however pull back a moment, if only to begin to undoing the many clasps of his robes.

"If we did not, it would be all we thought about from here on. This...this  _must_ happen...and it will." 

Gathering up the fabric, he pushed the robes up and off of his form to reveal his own bare flesh, darker and more golden than Mannimarco's and not quite as nicked or burned. He pressed their chests together and just...remained there to appreciate the sensation before he laid feverish kisses along the other Altmer's neck. And truly, any resolve Mannimarco might've had to stop this before it got out of hand died as he felt Vanus' cock pressing against his stomach. It was clear just how much the younger mage wanted him, and in that moment, he'd not have denied him for anything. With a low, tremulous moan of approval, he wrapped his hand around the mer's hardening shaft, giving it a gentle, teasing squeeze through the linen of his trousers. Almost reverently, he'd trace the shape of it, as if committing it to memory. Huh, Vanus was...a bit larger than he was. Interesting. He couldn't wait to see it. However...a burgeoning thought came into his mind as he tilted his head back, allowing Vanus to assault his neck with kisses and bites.

"....Vanus," he began weakly, trying to get the mer's attention by using his free hand to give the strands of his hair a secondary, more insistent tug, "We...I..I've never done this before. Perhaps we should...slow down, or...or something. Aren't first times supposed to be somewhat special? Isn't that what they've told us...?"

An involuntary moan shook from Vanus' chest as he was teased and a deeper blush spread over his chest following the yanks upon his hair. This only spurred him to taste Mannimarco's thin neck further, leaving behind lurid, open-mouthed kisses and whispering the against the skin.

"Is this not special e-enough for you?" he asked in a shaky, breathless, and disbelieving tone, leaning back to get a better look at the mer. His dark hair was askew and his gaze registered no small amount of confusion. "S-Slow down, Mannimarco...? Is...there something you know about this that I don't....?" As that thought came to him, his brows rose and he took a quick look around of the room. "We could move to the bed, perhaps, if you find that suits you more."

The elder mer's face was flushed a deep shade of red that Vanus would have never seen before. As such, it was with an almost bashful countenance that he gave a nod, placing his hand on the mer's chest in suggestion that he stand. Were Vanus to oblige, he'd shift out of his chair and stand off to the side, fingertips prying at the waistband of his own pants. Then, he was pushing them down, exposing his half-hard cock to his soon-to-be lover. He was relatively average, all things considered, but the upward curve to his shaft was undoubtedly pleasing enough. He had no hair to speak of, not even around the base, though in truth, Vanus would've known as much already. They'd bathed together many times, but there was never arousal rushing through their veins, not then. Not like now. He would stand there for a moment, allowing the younger mage to look upon him. He would not be ashamed of his body, not in the least, but even so...this was new to him. The whole situation was.

"Does my body please you, Vanus...?"

Vanus stood when he was prompted to and, to his credit, he reined himself in somewhat so he could watch Mannimarco move with such precision and purpose. Once the paler mer had bared himself before him, Vanus felt his jaw slacken and his arousal tighten to a point that almost caused him visceral pain. Keenly visible through his simple pants, the swell of the mer's cock was becoming more than a little uncomfortable, so he finally decided to follow Mannimarco's example and hook his fingers around his waistband. This  _was_ different than the baths or idle times the two mer had seen each other bare. There was an electricity in the air that even Vanus could not pinpoint the definite source of, and it caused him to only grow more eager to explore this, this...connection of theirs.

"I...I think my body speaks for itself, doesn't it?" He asked in a small quip, motioning to his ever hardening arousal as he gazed at the taller mer. It was only then did he start to ponder how they were going to _do_ this, and his gaze frequently flicked between the bed and Mannimarco.

Mannimarco, in truth, had no idea, really. There was no denying that he wanted to be _in_ Vanus, but it was equally as pleasing to think about offering up his control to him, for the first time in the entirety of his life. He trusted no one as he trusted Vanus, and that would extend to however they chose to proceed through the tumult of this intimate encounter, heady with the scent of wine and the thick heat of unresolved tension. As he thought, he gazed upon the other Altmer in his entirety, feeling his mouth go dry as his eyes raked over him, starting at his flushed face and ending at the twitching, turgid length that stood proudly between his golden legs. He swallowed thickly as he made his mind up, shifting forward to crawl up on the bed on all fours, gaze intense upon Vanus' own as his hair tumbled in waterfalls of white-gold over his shoulders. "It does," he replied at long last as he loomed over Vanus, leaning down to place teasing kisses over his cheek and neck, hair tickling the flesh of his chest, "Touch me, then. Don't be afraid, and I promise, I won't be, either. We...we'll learn together, as we always have. Experience it together...." 

Excitement crashed through Vanus like a bolt of lightning as he was pushed onto the bed and forced to stare up at the mer above him. Was this really happening? Was this not a joke? So often, he found himself just waiting for Mannimarco to pull back, only then to tease and mock him over his weakness. Now though, their nude forms were but inches apart and he could taste the pale mer's breath. This really  _was_ different. He found himself giving in to the kisses along his neck and lifting a leg to slowly drape along Mannimarco's hip.

"Together. Yes..." It was barely over a breath and his eyes slid shut as he allowed his hands to wander over the pale mer's form. Down the length of his body they caressed until they took hold of the mer's firm rear and gave it a trembling, hesitant squeeze. "By the Eight..."

Mannimarco exhaled a rather wanton moan as the mer took hold of his ass, and with that grip, he thrust down against him, pressing their cocks together to create a rather jolting bit of friction between them. Once that spark had been lit, however, he found his whole body took flame, and he would begin to rock his hips, seeking more of it, grinding shamelessly against the younger mer, reveling in every little touch laid upon his form. No, he certainly had no intention of pulling away. He was right where he wanted to be, and this was no teasing test for Vanus to pass or fail; he wanted this, and he wanted it _badly._ Lips trembling, he caressed the mer's collarbone with kisses, tongue occasionally slipping out to taste the golden flesh. Gods, he could simply drown in this, in _him._ "Vanus, I....how do you wish to do this....?" he asked at long last when silence no longer served them, taking hold of the mer's leg in order to give his thigh a furtive grasp, "I will do whatever you want. Believe me. I am not...I'm not jesting. I really will. I'm eager to please...."

That thrusting sparked a need within Vanus that he did not even know that he had. He needed more, and his own hips began their own slow, insistent rocking. His long arms wrapped around Mannimarco's back and his other leg rose to fully trap the mer in his embrace. His lips pressed against the side of Mannimarco's head as he continued to thrust, savouring every moment and explosions of desire they brought.

"Get inside me, _now_. Mannimarco, impress me as you never have before..."

As if to push the point further, the mer bit at the soft skin along his lover's neck, using his tongue to soothe the sting of the bites, however gentle they may've been. Vanus was not going to release Mannimarco from his clutches at this point and the fact was clear in his low, needy, yet particularly demanding tone.

How many years had the blonde mer spent yearning for this? How long had he dreamed of taking Vanus with such abandon, only to wake up with sticky sleep-pants and sweat coating his pale skin? How long had he loved this mer without ever being able to say so? Vanus was infuriating, arrogant, and cocksure, but he was also beautiful, wise, and inspiring; three things Mannimarco often wondered if he could ever be. With Vanus, though...he always imagined he could try, and now...now it was all laid out before him, stretched across his immaculate bed in a tangle of golden limbs and dark hair. Unable to help himself, Mannimarco stole from him another kiss, deep and passionate, sucking on the mer's bottom lip. The words Vanus spoke only made the fire in him grow brighter. Oh yes, he wanted to be inside of him, that much was clear from the way his hips had yet to still, cock sliding against his lover's with quick, needy precision. It wasn't enough for either of them, but...the threshold of actually taking him, making love to him. It drove him wild to think of crossing it, and with the image of Vanus spread out for him seared into the front of his mind, he lifted a hand to the mer's face, placing two fingers upon the kiss-swollen flesh of his lower lip.

"Suck," he commanded, voice deepened by lust, "Not ideal, but...it'll do..."

Being tangled like this with the elder Altmer was something Vanus had often pondered the logistics and intelligence of doing, but never had he imagined that it would end up actually happening.

That smooth skin under his touch, the sensation of their needy cocks pressing against each other and now that demand from Mannimarco left Vanus panting deeply. Looking slowly up the mer's arm and allowing his gaze to rest on Mannimarco's face, Vanus slid his mouth open and ran his tongue along the offered fingers before he finally took them in.

Not once did he permit their gaze to break. It was heated and almost challenging as he bathed those fingers within his mouth. His hands were far from idle and kept themselves busy clenching at various muscles, particularly the ass, of the mer above him. Why did they feel so _good_? They were muscles, just like everyone else's, and yet Vanus nearly felt electricity surge through him with each squeeze. 

Mannimarco, by comparison, did not know it was even _possible_ to be this aroused. His cock actually ached with how much he wanted the mer, but no matter how much he wanted him, he could not afford to be hasty. The last thing he wanted was for Vanus to be hurt by him in his rush to be inside of him, no matter how much his body demanded that he do just that...especially with how the younger mage's tongue caressed his fingers. Gods, he could almost _see_ those plush lips wrapped around his length instead. The image alone was enough to have him moaning lowly, hands on his ass aside. Eventually, he pulled his fingers from the mer's mouth with a faint hum of approval, hating how much it drove him mad to see Vanus panting and keening for him. Without deigning to make the poor mer wait any longer, he slipped his hand between the writhing press of their bodies to circle the slick tip of one finger around the younger mage's entrance. He didn't yet breach him, eyes upon his face in search of explicit permission to continue.

Vanus was breathless as Mannimarco shifted to tease him. His whole form was burning in a bright blush now and quite subconsciously, his golden fingers gripped at the silken blankets beneath him. Long, golden legs spread further to accommodate the pale mer and, breathing heavily still, Vanus locked his gaze upon him.

"Y-You are actually...pausing f-for permission?" he asked wryly with an almost amused smirk, "My dear Mannimarco, when did permissions, given or not, ever halt you from doing something to me?" With a flick of his head he send some of his dark hair over his shoulder and slid his thigh up and down Mannimarco's side. "In case you've not yet picked up on this, I am _just_ as eager as you are..."

With an indignant huff, Mannimarco thrust his finger deep into the mer, not stopping to allow him to adjust to the intrusion. The movements of the digit were quick and unforgiving, stretching the mer only slightly, fingertip curling slightly in search of _something_ to awaken the pleasure in Vanus' body even more. Incensed, the elder Altmer leaned down over his lover, biting roughly at the flesh of his lower lip until small indentations formed upon the soft skin. "Shut _up,_ " he bit out through gritted teeth, giving a particularly deep thrust into him, daring to slip the second finger in to the knuckle, "You talk far too much. Has anyone ever told you that?"

The younger mage's moan at the thrust was the most undignified sound he had ever heard himself produce, and yet, he could not stop it, nor bring himself to care about how desperate he must've sounded. Confusion, pleasure, and even victorious approval all at once flashed across his features. Certainly he had got under Mannimarco's skin, but the sensations and sounds that he was feeling and producing were altogether unexpected. Breathless, he pressed his lips against Mannimarco's neck and ear as his long legs began to curl around the paler mer.

Should he push more? If he was going to get _this_ much enjoyment out of it, he couldn't see why he shouldn't. A deep kiss was placed on the pale mer's lips along with a few teasing bites before Vanus whispered, "...Why don't you _make_ me, Mannimarco...?"

  

* * *

 

Damned Vanus and his damned words and his damned _everything_.

Mannimarco cursed under his breath as the mer kissed him and whispered those lurid words against his lips, causing a shiver to slip down his spine in their wake, as if he'd been doused with a bucket of ice water. If Vanus wanted to push him like this, he would not disappoint. With his two slickened fingers now pumping quickly in and out of the younger mage's pliant body, he bowed his head and delivered a sharp bite to the ridge of Vanus' collarbone, leaving behind a faint bruise that his tongue once more worked to soothe and aggravate all at the same time. Meanwhile, his fingers stretched and curled, still searching, _ever_ searching for the spot he knew he'd be able to find.

"If you want to _keep_ talking...I'll make it so the only thing you can say is my name," the necromancer replied as he gave another sharp thrust into the mer before withdrawing his fingers entirely. However, it was as he sat back, observing Vanus' flushed, trembling form beneath him that he paused, realizing his slight lapse in judgment. Hastily, he looked around, trying to find something, _anything_ that he could use to make the act of actually taking the mer easier on them both. He tried to make it look casual, though. Oh, no. It simply wouldn't do to have Vanus thinking him ill-prepared. Thus, he sat back on his haunches and lazily stroked himself instead, leaving Vanus gaping and twitching in his wake. All the while, his pale gaze flicked subtly about the room in search of something to use as a satisfactory lubricant. He was a brilliant mage, damn it. He'd figure it out.

 

 

Of course, during those last few aggressive pumps, Mannimarco and succeeded in finding Vanus' most sensitive of nerves. Gasps of more surprise and exhilaration shook Vanus and his hands gripped frantically at the taller mer's ivory locks.

" _Shit_ _!_ " The mer choked as his emotions got the better of him. He'd never felt anything like that before, and no amount of casual self-exploration could've prepared him for the sensation. When Mannimarco pulled away, however, Vanus began to look incredulous. Sitting up partially on his elbows and watching the mer stroke himself, he couldn't help but remark, "You know, you are supposed to be doing that inside of me, if my understanding is correct. R-Really, shall I have to coach you through this?"

An all but devlish gleam glinted in his eye as he watched the pale mer. Complain though he might, he had to admit that the sight before him was an incredible one.

If nothing else, though, _a_ t least Vanus' pedantic teasing had given Mannimarco time to find what he'd been looking for.

With a coy smile pulling at his pale lips, he went to collect a small vial of scented oil from a shelf above his desk. He walked to it with a decidedly casual stride, hips swaying, cock bobbing lewdly with each step in order to give Vanus something worth looking at as he slyly grasped the glimmering vial as if it'd been his intent all along. The vial was little more than an oil meant for scent; in this case, summer jasmine. But...Vanus didn't need to know that. After popping the cork, he'd pour a great deal of it over his fingers and again over his length, stroking himself with surety as he rejoined Vanus on the bed, kneeling between his obscenely splayed legs.

"Hush," he murmured, still smirking as he leaned down to take one of the younger Altmer's nipples between his teeth, flicking the hard nub with his tongue, "I'm right here, Vanus. All yours." With a low hum, he slipped his slick fingers down to cleft of the mer's ass, prodding at his entrance with two digits. His lips continued to assault his lover's nipples, raking incessantly and hotly across the sensitive skin. Of course, he knew Vanus was loose and ready for him, but he couldn't resist a tease of his own. Payback was certainly a bitch.

Vanus couldn't help but find himself inflating partially both mentally and physically. Hush? _Really?_ He was not at all sure he could keep himself quiet with all that was going on between them. After all, they'd been yearning for this for years without a word or an action spoken or done to change their dynamic. Still, as soon as he felt those fingers prodding and playing, Vanus' attention was wholly snapped back into sharp focus. Biting his bottom lip as if to force himself into a proper state of mind in more ways than one, the Altmer then slid his fingers up into Mannimarco's silvery locks of hair.

"All...mine?" A little  _too_ sharp in his tone, Vanus hissed lowly, "Damn it, Mannimarco, I am...I...am _not_ going to beg you!"

"Too bad..." Mannimarco murmured, eventually withdrawing his fingers from their place by the mer's entrance. By now, Vanus was more than eager, stretched, and laid entirely open for him. To say the thought was dizzying for him would be to taste an understatement. Indeed, how long had he wanted this? How long had he wanted to fuck the mer until they both collapsed from exhaustion? How long had he wanted to kiss him, to have him submit beneath him so that he too might be able to submit in turn?

Too long. Too damn long.

Shuddering out of his reverie as those fingers wove into his hair, he took his own cock in hand and aligned his tip with Vanus' entrance, lips parting as he felt the heat of his lover's body enclosed his cockhead and drew him in deeper. Gods, he'd done it. He was fucking Vanus Galerion. He was inside of him, body trembling, breath caught in his throat. Stolen by the moment, he lifted his head, endeavoring to meet his lover's stare. That moment was still; he waited there, between Vanus' spread legs, shaft half-sheathed within him.

_This was happening._

This was happening. Vanus had those words echoing in his mind as he gazed back at the bright, captivating eyes that were locked on his own. The moment was almost unbearably still and yet his heart was pounding in his ears. Truthfully, he was surprised that people could not hear it even down the long hall outside. Why had Mannimarco stopped? Vanus' legs were trembling as excitement shot through his form. He wasn't going to stand to be teased any longer! His strong legs wrapped around Mannimarco's hips and pulled him forward to try and get him to bury himself to the hilt. 

Mannimarco had to bow his head as Vanus pulled him forward, forcing him deep inside. By Auri-El, it felt more than divine, and the pale Altmer wanted nothing more than for this to last forever. Vanus was all around him and enveloping him, enough to have his own heart thudding powerfully in desire and pleasure alike. He'd never known what sex felt like...but this was beyond anything he could have imagined. With trembling lips, he leaned up to kiss Vanus with desperation, choosing to take him with quick, needy thrusts. He dared not wait; no, he couldn't. He had to fuck him as if he meant it, and mean it he did. He began pound into Vanus with abandon, thrusting his tongue into the mer's mouth, hands securing around his hips. Vanus moaned as he was taken. There was some discomfort, yes, but it was utterly forgotten as the other mer slammed into him again and again, sending waves of molten heat ricocheting up the length of his spine, stretching out to claim his nerves one by one. With his legs now locked and his hips swaying in time, his arms wrapped around the pale mer and he dragged his nails over the smooth skin to leave behind reddened furrows, gasping in pleasure.

"...W-What...even _is_ this....?" The dark-haired mer was at a loss. How could something even feel this good, this _powerful_ and he had NOT done it before?

An audible, pleasured gasp escaped Mannimarco as Vanus' nails bit into him, marking him irrevocably. He found that it drove him on further, that delicious pleasure-pain, causing him to thrust faster into the younger mer until the slapping if their hips echoed off the walls if his darkened room. Yes, even he was amazed by what he was experiencing. How could he have denied them both this feeling for so long? Why was it that he and Vanus had been so afraid of this sort of intimacy? As he began to place searing kisses along the mer's tanned skin, platinum hair dragging over Vanus' collarbone, he could not recall why he'd ever even hesitated.

Vanus was _perfect_ like this, swaying and panting and rising to meet his fevered thrusts. They complemented each other, Mannimarco thought. Perhaps they were even _made_ for each other.

And yet...

Within the deepest parts of the Vanus' mind, he found himself elated that he was sharing something so personal with Mannimarco. The strange, eclectic mer was his only true friend, the only one he considered his equal in talent and now...they were sharing something almost beyond his ability to describe. Treasuring each second, he met those kisses feverishly and once Mannimarco began to increase the intensity, he caught on within seconds.

Was it possible that the pale mer liked the pain? Struggling for breath and beginning to leak a few drops of precome from his slit, he kissed his lover one more precious time before he began to place bites down Mannimarco's neck in an effort to spur him ever faster, ever harder.

He even managed to whisper by the mer's ear, breathlessly, "Impress....me....."

For Mannimarco, those bites were like sparks that lit up a fire within him. Inside of Vanus, his cock pulsed and twitched in approval, just as a strangled gasp left his throat. He tilted his head to the side to allow the younger mage complete access to the sensitive flesh of his neck, inviting him to do more, kiss more, _bite_ more. As much as he wished to claim Vanus, to stopper his arrogance within the confines of pleasure, so too did he wish to be claimed by him. He would belong to Vanus as much as Vanus belonged to him. With a low moan, he gave a solitary nod and endeavoured to pull the mer into his lap while still inside of him, continuing a series of sharp, circular thrusts as he sat back. Provided Vanus went with him, he'd brace his hands on the mer's hips as he tried to meet his gaze, longing to look him in the eye as his climax neared. As he too began to leak steadily from the friction and heat of Vanus around him, he took hold of the younger Altmer's cock and began to pump him furiously, pleasing him with the unrelenting pace he'd used to pleasure himself; it had been his only point of reference up until this moment. Hopefully, it'd be enough. 

Vanus found himself unable to keep from smirking delicately in victory as the exchange grew ever more heated. His kisses and bites increased in frequency and intensity, but when he was suddenly encouraged to switch positions, it left him dazed. Regardless, he moved, now straddling Mannimarco's hips and moaning as his cock was taken up by those thin hands.

The mer's azure gaze rested upon Mannimarco now in a way it never had; There was a true tenderness there, a quiet acceptance and a fondness that went beyond words.

Vanus, for all his skill and illustrious behaviour, was not one to show such emotion often. His face drifted forward and his forehead rested against Mannimarco's as he rapidly became undone under those thrusts and pulls. Eyes shutting and lips parting in a low, primal moan, he met his release all over the paler mer's chest as they continued to dance.

And surely, that was all it took for his partner to come undone, as well. As he felt Vanus spill hotly over his fingers and upon his chest, Mannimarco gasped audibly and the rhythm of his hips stuttered, seized by the sensation of tight heat clamping down around him. Torn and blissfully high, Mannimarco came with a shuddering moan that was pressed into the mer's mouth with a kiss as he made to thrust into him quicker, erratic and entirely senseless. To him, it was an out of body experience that had his head spinning; Vanus was everything. His sight, his scent, his _touch._

"Vanus..." he muttered, sounding as if he were uttering a prayer, "Vanus, I...I..." The words would not leave his mouth. He feared to say them, feared that his love had grown to obsessive, too impatient for Vanus to understand. Even as he emptied his seed inside him and rode the high of his climax, he couldn't help but worry that they'd both sober, and that Vanus would look on with horror at what they'd done with one another. In hopes of smothering his fear, he kissed the brunette with ample, desperate fervour, shutting his bright eyes tightly.

The intensity of these emotions were just as staggering for Vanus.

For a high elf that liked to keep himself restrained and altogether dignified, the power of all this was mind boggling. He found himself willingly giving in to the passionate kiss, even cradling his fingers against the back of Mannimarco's head to hold him closer. Surely, there must be some magic involved in this, he thought in the back of his mind. Nothing this potent could come from things mundane. The scene of their golden and pale forms intertwined met him as his eyes dared to open after the kiss.

Breathing deeply and his heart still racing, he fought with the right words to use.

"I...I am here, Manni," he assured the mer looming over him, pressing a shaking hand to his cheek. His gaze was a loving one, but there was no hiding some of the sheer confusion that was boiling up inside of him. "Are...you quite alright?"

The paler mer nodded slowly, panting and sighing as Vanus clung to him, watching him with concern in his gaze.

When had he come to love Vanus like this...?

When had he come to value this mer above all else?

He couldn't tell, but the feelings were there, burning in him as he slid his clean hand up into the soft locks of Vanus' long hair. He held him tight, shuddering as he came down from his high. "I'm...yes, I am alright. Vanus," he replied as he nuzzled against the mer's cheek, "I have so much I want to say to you. I feel deeply for you. I want to be with you and.. I do not wish for this to be the last time we hold one another..."

"Who said that it would have to be our last...?" Vanus asked softly, gaze travelling over his lover's features as he slid a hand down his arm, "Manni, you...you're speaking as if you are planning to up and leave at any moment or that  _I_  am going somewhere."

Eventually, Mannimarco slid out if his lover, resting upon the bed at his side. He drew him into his arms and continued to toy idly with his hair, turning his head in order to catch his lips in another kiss, long and deep. His tongue lightly played with Vanus', suggestive and lurid.

He couldn't let go. He had to touch Vanus, had to be with him.

"Life is unpredictable," he replied as he withdrew, running his fingertips over the mer's blushing cheeks, reverent and desperately loving, "I cannot help it. Vanus. I love you. You frustrate me and you irritated me, but you are beautiful and perfect and I love...I love what you are."

_Love._

_LOVE._

The word sent electricity through Vanus' body even as he was snuggled against Mannimarco. The brunette appeared to be frozen, utterly gobsmacked by the admission. So many things were running through his head now, and through the lessening haze of alcohol, he struggled to comprehend what he'd been told. Not once had he bothered to entertain something like _LOVE_. His studies had been more pertinent, and while he'd certainly considered how deeply he cared for Mannimarco, years of avoidance had made it little more than a midnight fantasy to relish on his own, never to see the light of day or be spoken aloud and received by listening, attentive ears. Confused and a little frightened, he ran his fingers slowly up and down the pale mer's chest.

"Just...how are you so sure that this is what love is? H-Have you done the appropriate research into, ah...defining it?"

Oh, he knew he'd said too much as soon as Vanus went rigid in his arms. He'd gone too far, exposed too much of his heart to the mer, far too soon. He felt something unpleasant and sick stir inside of him as he withdrew, shifting to sit upon the edge of the bed, turning his back to Vanus. Nervously, he ran his fingers through the ivory locks of his hair, exhaling a shuddering sigh through his swollen lips. He was putting up his walls, intending never to let them fall. "Forget it, Vanus," he stated, turning his gaze to anything that was not the younger Altmer, "I did not think to define it so. I spoke of what I felt, that is all. Just....forget it."

 A sting of hurt cut through Vanus' chest as soon as Mannimarco pulled away from him. His lack of comprehension was quickly forming a rift between them that he didn't know how to mend, so it was with haste that he tried his utmost to backpedal, holding up his hands in a manner he hoped was placating instead of mocking or condescending.

"A-ah, Manni, I never said it was a _bad_ thing, you know, and I can't just forget it. I forget NOTHING. You should know that by now." Furrowing his brow, he then looked up to the mer's back and continued, "To be honest, I am...surprised that you would have more, ah..." He trailed off, not yet daring to continue his half-baked thoughts. Suddenly, his flush had intensified and he looked away, at a loss as to how to continue. He wanted this uncomfortable silence to end, but...how? 

Mannimarco scoffed as he stood, suddenly feeling far too exposed under the other mer's cyan gaze.

He hated how it felt to bear the sting of what he perceived to be rejection, and hated even more that he'd been the reason it'd been brought about. He should've just let them stay as they were when they fucked. That was easier. This made him feel ill.

"More what?" he asked with a harsh tone that was reserved for the moments he felt himself hurt, reaching for a blanket to obscure his nude, flushed body, "I told you to forget it. If you want this to remain a solely physical endeavour, so be it. I will share nothing further with you. Now, either leave my room or figure out what you want."

Emotion was beginning to swell in Vanus in a confusing and dangerous tempest of a storm. Pulling his head back for a split second, he widened his eyes and stammered before he found his words, "W-Wait, what  _I_ want? Listen to yourself for just a second. I _just_ told you scant seconds ago that I do not believe it to be a bad thing, this...this love. Not at all! In fact, Mannimarco, I believe it to be exactly the opposite!"

With his whole form feeling as if it was on fire, Vanus had to move. He forced himself to crawl from the bed and get to his feet. Still wholly and utterly naked, he brought himself around in front of Mannimarco and to the other side of the bed. "Listen here! I...I will not tolerate you j-just telling me to leave the room after I am opening myself up to you like this, Mannimarco, I will not tolerate it for one second!"

Placing his hands on his hips, he looked defiantly down to the other mage who had since swaddled himself in a blanket. 

" _You_ rejected _me,_ " the necromancer spat as Vanus came into view, causing an unwanted blush to rise to his cheeks at the sight of the younger mer's naked body, "I confess my love to you and you freeze up, then ask me to define it, as if I ever could! Feelings like this are not made by definition in a tome to study. They come from the heart, like raw power. Don't you get it? I opened myself to you and...now..."

Mannimarco trailed off, blush darkening in embarrassment. He didn't want Vanus to notice, but it couldn't be missed, just as he'd not miss the way the pale mer's eyes lingered just a bit too long upon his abdomen and the flaccid cock between his legs.

Vanus strode closer and dropped to a knee, placing a hand on Mannimarco's knee as he did so. True, his hair was askew and his cheeks were still flushed with the heat of exertion and attraction, but Vanus couldn't help but find Mannimarco alluring. The way those vivid, intelligent eyes roved over his form was not lost on him, either.

"Mannimarco....I would have left by now if I was rejecting you. Look at me." He reached to try and capture the mer's chin and turn his face. "You...you _know_ me. I am slow to say I am anything unless I know what it is that I'm saying. It's nothing against you. I suppose, if it's anything, it's..."

This was a lot for him to admit and his voice, when he continued, shook with hesitance: "It's...admitting my own... _ignorance_."

At first, Mannimarco did not know how to respond to this. It wasn't like Vanus to speak so liberally about what he didn't understand, and even less like him to confess ignorance on any matter. This alone was enough to give him pause, as he drew his gaze away from the floor and up to the mer's face. Of course, he then noticed the seed spilling over the back of the mer's thigh; _his,_ as well as that which clung to Vanus' chest.

They'd had sex.

He had sex with Vanus after pining for him for years. No matter how much his pride had been stung, he couldn't shove that fact aside, nor the fact that he would readily do it again as soon as their bodies were able to. With a sigh, he succumbed to the mer's touch and met his gaze. "To love someone is to want to be with them and to think of them at all hours with fondness," he tried to explain, pale brows knitting, "To love is to want this...this intimacy and to share in it with feeling. To love...is to protect from the worst."

Vanus had actually forgotten about the mess all over him, so focused was he on Mannimarco's words and reactions. It was rare for the mer to put his attention so completely onto a person instead of a book or abstract problem. Mannimarco's words got him thinking; it was true that his mind was typically occupied with something other than his new lover, but then, he was Vanus Galerion. After a quiet moment spent in thought, he replied, looking fondly over Mannimarco's debauched features. "I shall be truthful; when I think of our time together, or when I _had_ , most often I'd wondered just what you were studying or researching and how best I could somehow get in on it or ahead of you, if only so I didn't have to wonder if I was the only one who felt as I did. You...excited me. Constantly. I can't just let myself be complacent with you around. You make me want to improve. You drive me, I...." he bit his lip and flicked his cyan gaze down, "Without you, I...would likely be half the mage I am today..."  
  
Admitting this was easier than admitting just how long he'd harboured his secret little crush. It was less embarrassing. Less damning. Still, he persisted, continuing on with his line of thought while it could be thoroughly managed instead of wayward and disjointed.

"I never thought of any one else as I've thought of you, Mannimarco. No one else has been talented or impressive enough to garner my attention, much less be the reason I was kept awake at night in thought and worry. You better damn well know where you stand with me, now. If you think being the only other mer worth my time, attention, and...love is not worth it, then that is on you!" With that, he stood again, still flustered and pride wounded as he turned to try and find a towel or something he could use to clean himself with while Mannimarco looked on, somewhat surprised by the sudden outburst of what seemed to be hurried confidence.

Mannimarco knew that Vanus was stubborn. Arrogant. Egotistical.

He knew that often, the mer did not always see what was right in front of him, so far within the clouds was his head. He knew that, despite everything...he was not wrong. Still, his wording could've been much better. "Is that really true?" The necromancer asked as he too stood, wearing the sheet like a cloak around his willowy body, "Am I worth your love? You seemed content at first to question mine and deny your own. Do not lie to me to spare my feelings, Vanus. I would rather you be honest now and open a new wound than profess your love dishonestly, only to tear open a scar later that may never heal. I deserve better than that." He paused for a moment, exhaling an exhausted sigh. "You, you, you. You're impressed by me. I'm deserving of _your_ attention. What about me, Vanus? About what I want? What I feel?"

Vanus finally found a towel and began to clean himself off as Mannimarco spoke. The golden mer's back was to him and he was partially thankful for that; it hid his expression, after all. "...and you have done the very same thing, Mannimarco. I just poured my emotions out to you in a horrible, embarrassing torrent and now you're asking me if it is really true? How does that make you any different from me, hmm? I was speaking of myself because you were asking about _my_ emotions. Damn it, you can't ask me that and then get upset when I start talking about myself! It gives a very conflicting message." He grumbled the latter part lowly and conspiratorially, shoulders slumped as he tossed the soiled towel to the corner.

"As are you!" the pale mer retorted as he drew nearer to Vanus, eyes upon his back, "For years, I've watched you grow alongside me. I watched you become someone worthy of admiration, and in doing so, I grew to love you. I looked forward to hearing your voice, seeing your face. I even _waited_ for the rare moments you'd reach out to touch me..." There, he paused again, chewing at the skin of his lower lip. He continued to stare at the back of the mer's head, praying his words were enough. "I hoped that you loved me as I loved you. I wanted you to look at me like that. I wanted...I wanted to believe that you desired me, longed for me. Your words had me believing that the opposite was true; I was only your rival. Only someone to admire from a distance, clinical and cold."

Of course, distantly, Mannimarco realize that he might've been the proverbial pot calling the kettle black. He was just as guilty of avoidance as Vanus was, if not more so. But now wasn't the time for introspection about that. Later. Much later.

Vanus, however, still couldn't bring himself to look at Mannimarco; he didn't want to display just how deeply this little spat was affecting him. But even so, it was impossible to hide his deeper breaths and his futile attempts to steady them, however, as much as he tried.

"...It was always only you. Only ever you," he dared to admit softly, head down. "It was always only you that held my attention or my praise, only you to come into my dreams and make them worth remembering. I was never quite sure why that was, as I would come up with different reasons on a weekly basis." He let out an oddly strained chuckle and rubbed his arm. This was, quite possibly, one of the hardest things he'd ever done, apart from leaving behind his home. 

Mannimarco's brows furrowed. "Vanus...why did you not say something then? Why now? Why  _wait?_ "

Vanus replied quickly with frustration, turning to face his lover with mist beginning to cloud his gaze. "Why would I say  _anything_  when I wasn't even sure what in Oblivion I was feeling, or when I knew that you may not feel as I did? Why...would I make mention of it when I figured y-you would use this....this confusion and affection of mine to your advantage somehow? Don't give me that look, you know I am not far off!" he added, lifting a finger to the blonde to halt any potential protest, "Call me crazy, but you are _not_ the sort that one goes to and just unloads all of his deepest thoughts and emotions to, Mannimarco. I was being cautious. I had to be."

With another sigh, Mannimarco approached the younger mage, placing a hand upon his shoulder. His fingers were as gentle as his voice, splaying softly over the ridge of Vanus' collarbone. Mannimarco stood warm against his chest, reaching forward with his other hand to wipe away the tears that formed in his lover's eyes. "Yes, but now...? I have given you everything, including my heart. I have told you that I love you, and I mean it with all that I am. If you love me, do not fear to say it. I'd sooner die than lay falsehoods at your feet..."

A lie. Another lie, for he'd already offered up many. His love, he knew, was genuine, but there were things still that Vanus just didn't need to know, yet. And besides, was it really, truly a lie if it was only by omission? 

"Together, as always, _for_ always..." Mannimarco added with surety, but following his words, he chose not to speak at all. He pressed his lips to Vanus', humming quietly in approval as the mer's hand slipped across the skin of his stomach. His body reacted so strongly to the other mage, and against him, he felt love. Happiness. He cupped Vanus' cheeks in his palms as he made to deepen the kiss, tongue teasingly lapping at the seam of his mouth.

Vanus' breath left him as his lips parted and his hands both slipped around his lover in order to cup his ass. It was a marvel just how soft it was. Sighing happily and heart thundering despite the tension that had begun to seep out of his frame, Vanus pressed his kiss deeper, seeking to thrust himself forward more into the exchange.

Mannimarco broke the kiss, wrapping his arms around the mer, securing him against his chest. He held him tightly, cradling his head, kissing his temple. "Vanus...I will treasure you. I promise. I will. Always."

"Always? Mannimarco, I...love you." 

The admission was barely a whisper from Vanus' lips as he returned a kiss to the necromancer's neck before he buried his face in that mane of white hair. Nothing more was said, for he felt nothing more needed to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooly shit. I really hope this came out looking decent. It was a bitch and a half to get through, so I hope it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really old work of mine that I'm actively renovating, and started writing sometime during early 2013. Bear with me. This chapter's a bit fuckin' weird in terms of format, since it jumps around a lot, but it's a prologue. -shrug-


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